Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom
by Poetheather1
Summary: Harry is not feeling very good about life. His godfather has just died and he almost got his friends killed. How could he be so stupid? There had to be some sort of way to get better... right? His grief and guilt lead him to question what he knows and try to find a better way. An Alternate HBP. Lunar Harmony maybe?
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: I have no idea where this is going and I am working on it in between other things so new chapters will be every few weeks or so… you have been warned. This struck me as an odd idea and I haven't seen something of this exact nature play out in this manner before. If there has been then I haven't seen it and thus am not copying it. As for shipping, not a clue at this point. For all I know it could be Harmony, Lunar Harmony, Hinny, something else… not sure. When I know, you'll know.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Harry Potter was feeling a number of things at the moment and none of them were pleasant or good. He was royally pissed off at himself and a few others, rather depressed, frustrated, mourning the loss of the only father figure he had ever known, and it all cycled round and round in his head getting no resolution. How could he have been so bloody stupid?! Hermione had told him it was a trap, had made her point clear, but oh no… he knew better than she did. They had flown down to London on Thestrals, something that took hours and he had somehow expected the situation to be exactly like his vision? God how could he have been so stupid? She was always bloody right, every single time and yet he always argued with her. It was all his fault that Sirius had died. He was the one that had failed. He was the one that had dragged him to the Department of Mysteries. He had even gotten his friends hurt over this whole mess and hurt bad. His injuries were inconsequential compared to that. Hermione was the one hurt worst of all and it was all because he had been too stubborn to listen to the one person who had never failed him, not in all his years at Hogwarts. He was a complete fuck up and he knew it.

All he could do was run the images and experiences at the Department of Mysteries over and over in almost painful detail, rubbing his failure in his face, rubbing his friend's injuries in his face, rubbing Sirius's death in his face. How was he supposed to fight Voldemort when he had no bloody clue what the hell he was doing? Sure they had been lucky but was that really good enough? In five years at Hogwarts he'd only had two decent teachers of Defense and one had been a Death Eater who had placed them under the Imperious curse as a teaching experience. The whole mess was ridiculous. How the hell was he supposed to do this? If he was the bloody Chosen One from what Dumbledore had told him, then how in Merlin's Name was he supposed to kill Voldemort if he had this sad excuse for training? From the way it was going so far it seemed like his best bet would be to simply walk up to Voldemort and let himself be killed. That at least might be something he was competent with.

His lack of understanding about what to do in combat basically condemned everyone around him. Sure he knew some of the spells and stuff but how to fight, how to really fight, and more to the point, how to fight a war… he wasn't stupid or arrogant enough to think that he did. At this point he had to admit that he had rather impressive personal defense skills but that was about it. God, if he kept this up he was going to get everybody killed. Dying might be the best he could do for the others.

The room felt tight, like it was closing in on him. He felt constrained, trapped in a shrinking cage. He paced back and forth, hands twitching, wanting something to do but there was nothing. Air. He needed air. Heading downstairs, he ignored the Dursleys. He would no doubt be asked to cook dinner for them but for right now he really couldn't stand being in there, in that house, around those people. Once out the door he broke into a run, losing himself in the feel of his body moving, letting his feet carry him where they will. This wasn't the first time he had run through the neighborhood nor the hundredth. With Dudley and his friends chasing him all the time he had really crossed a lot Little Whinging time and again and he knew this neighborhood better than he knew Hogwarts. His lungs started burning and his legs ached and as he slowed and nearly stumbled to a stop he paid attention to where he was, standing hunched over, gulping air in front of one of his few refuges, the library.

Panting, he ran a hand through his hair, feeling the slick wetness of sweat hold his hair back some. Might as well go in, he thought. It wasn't like he had any better ideas. Besides, having some water sounded good right now. He wasn't as big a reader as Hermione was but he had read a great deal growing up, both fiction and nonfiction. Walking through the door he breathed in that smell which only collections of books had and sighed. The quiet was nice, giving him a slight sense of peace, as was the fact that here wasn't at number 4. That was a good thing. He began moving aimlessly through the stacks, his eyes trailing over the titles on both sides, not really reading them but mostly taking them in. It was peaceful and helped calm him some. This library did that so much more than the one at school. He just let his gaze drift over the titles until his eyes caught on something that made him stop, SAS.

Harry turned and faced the bookcase, looking at the shelf, eyes narrowing a little in focus. There was a whole section of books on the military here, specifically the Special Air Services, the American Special Forces, SEALS and the like. He remembered browsing through this section when he was younger with dreams of leaving the Dursley's and joining the Army. He just stood there and stared at the titles wondering why they had caught his attention, his mind running over things over and over, taking in the newer titles he didn't remember from before. Thinking back to his earlier thoughts back in his room, he realized that this might actually be a good idea. Here was information on the subject of war, mostly focused on small units of highly trained people fighting smarter not harder. He grabbed several of them, especially a few of the newer titles and headed towards one of the reading tables. He might as well see if it gave him any ideas that could help him get better and maybe, just maybe fail less. Sure spells were vastly different than guns but skill in warfare and the tactics of warfare might just translate. He might know enough about the wizarding world to see if it would.

Reading the motto of the SAS made him chuckle, "Qui audet adipiscitur" or "Who dares wins". That was practically the unofficial motto of Gryffindor house and given his approach to dealing with issues, it surely was his own approach to life. That was certainly a motto and a point of view that he could get behind. The motto for the US special forces was "De oppresso liber" or "To liberate the oppressed" or at least that was what they said it meant. Certainly the SAS one fit and the SF one made sense as well with how he saw things. In a way that made him sad as he realized that his life really wasn't like most kids' lives.

The reading was interesting, covering the training, tactics, and tools of the SAS. Some of the things he saw in there gave him a few ideas he could use to make his DADA training more effective, especially based on the real experiences of actual combat he had. The fight in the graveyard and in the Department of Mysteries ad certainly made an indelible impression on him and taught him a great deal. This gave him ideas that he could hive off of in order to get even better and more effective. There actually might be some value in this. He started when he heard someone go, "Hem hem."

Turning, wishing his heart would slow down; there was no way the evil toad could be here. He spotted the librarian looking at him. "Yes?"

"We're closing up." The woman was polite about it which was another clue that this wasn't Umbridge.

"Uh… yeah right… can I get these?" asked Harry, gesturing to the pile of books he had been looking through.

The librarian just gave him this look that he had seen numerous times on Hermione's face, a look that spoke of annoyance, before she rolled her eyes and headed back towards her desk, waving him on.

Harry felt like a bit of an idiot. He was in a library, of course he could check out books. More than anything that showed how poorly he was thinking. While his library card was old and hadn't been used since he had started Hogwarts, it was still good. At least he thought it was still good. He smiled at the woman and hefted his stack of books onto the counter. Maybe, just maybe this would get him somewhere. What he needed to do was fight a whole lot smarter than he had been and maybe these books could help him figure out how exactly how to do that. It was certainly more than he was getting from anywhere else.

When he walked into the house, clutching the stack of books in his arms, Vernon started right in, growling out, "Boy, where have you been?!"

Harry frowned and felt his anger rise. It was right at the surface these days and he seemed ready to explode over the least little thing. He really did not need this right now. He swallowed his first retort and exhaled, trying to calm some before answering, "I was at the library."

Vernon was clearly grappling for something freakish there to chide him about but failed miserably. There was clearly nothing abnormal about going to the library to get books. It was a perfectly normal thing that perfectly normal people did. He had to content himself with, "Well, dinner is late. Get to work."

Groaning in annoyance, Harry set his stack of books down on the stairs and headed into the kitchen. If he got to work right then maybe he might be able to head up to his room and ignore the Dursley's for the rest of the night. That was more common now that he was older. He got out the ingredients and got to work, dicing vegetables and bits of meat for the dish Aunt Petunia had told him to make earlier quite swiftly thanks to his years of practice. He paused, his knife partway through a cut of beef when a thought occurred to him… why didn't he have a knife? He was good with them and they were handy so why didn't he have one? Was there some reason that he didn't have this most obvious of tools?

He continued with his cooking as he thought. Knives could be thrown, could be used up close, could be used for a number of different things, so why didn't he have one, or more than one? Maybe he should get some. If he picked up some throwing knives he could practice in the Room of Requirement since he was sure that it would give him the targets he would need. That might be a nice surprise the next time he had to face a Death Eater. It would certainly not be something they would be expecting from him. This made him feel a little better. He was trying to do better, plan ahead.

Once the food was served and he got his portion he headed upstairs. Amazingly the Dursley's didn't complain one bit, which made him feel better about the evening. There would be dishes afterwards, but that could be done after they had finished eating as he had all the pans he had used already cleaned. He balanced his plate on his books and went to his room. Hedwig opened an eye and looked at him curiously as he walked in. With a smile at her he said, "Evening girl."

She gave him a soft hoot and closed her eyes again.

He ate quietly, handing Hedwig little bites of the meat. His thoughts drifted back to the Department of Mysteries and his stomach churned a little. His breathing caught some and he set his plate aside. With some deep breaths he tried to get his emotions under control as they had surged back up. He just kept having images of Sirius, of Hermione; of Neville… he sighed and bowed his head. Losing Sirius because he had been a fool was not easy to deal with. But then again his godfather had been joking around, almost playing with Bellatrix when they were fighting. But then again Sirius wouldn't have been there without him, he would have been safe at Grimmauld Place. Reaching for his glass of water he swallowed down his guilt and promised himself he would do better, for Sirius, for his friends, for himself.

So what should he do to get better? What were the odds that they would have a decent DADA teacher this year, one who might actually know something about the subject and how to teach it? Maybe it would be safer if he tried to figure out what he could do on his own and see what happened from there. Well he had these books so he should read and see if there were any ideas in them? One that came to mind right away was exercising. That running battle in the Ministry had been exhausting and being tired had made them all make mistakes in spell choice and what they did. If he had been in better shape, if they had all been in better shape they just might have done better. Of course, a better understanding of tactics would have helped as well. They had a few things in mind but by and large they had gone in blind and flown by the seat of Harry's pants. The only one who made it out with minimal damage had been Luna and he had no idea how that had happened. It had to have been pure luck. No, training would certainly be high on his list of things to fix.

This of course meant he had to eat, because quite fundamentally, without food he would never build any muscle or anything. He choked down the rest of his meal with some effort even though it held no appeal. His stomach flopped a few times but he managed to keep his food down with some effort. It was a start. Once he set his plate aside again he lay back on his bed and started to read, interested in what the knowledge of the best soldiers could do for him. Honestly, what was the worst that could happen with this? That he got a bit of a clue and became less of a danger for his friends to be around?


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: I am glad people are enjoying this. Still have no idea what the pairings are but it's getting crazier. Enjoy.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap 2.

Harry was struggling to keep the pace he had set as his body was all but screaming at him to slow down. The stitch in his side made breathing difficult but he kept on, knowing that he had to push himself if he was going to get better. This sucked so much but it was better than being in the house. He kept struggling to push faster, as he was slowing without planning on it. When he could finally see number 4 he started walking, taking in huge gulps of air. One hand rubbed the tight spot on his side and he was soaked in sweat. Merlin, he hurt.

The air shimmered off to his side as a voice came out, "Wotcher Harry."

He just nodded as there was still not enough air in him to respond with anything else. Moody would be upset with him for not reacting correctly.

"Any reason you are out here turning yourself into a wet smelly thing?" she asked curiously.

With a nod he kept his trudge towards number 4. He vaguely remembered something about it being bad if he didn't stretch out a little after running. Given how he felt now, there was no way he wanted anything worse.

"Technically, we are supposed to keep you safe in your house, you know, just saying."

Harry stopped at that. That just irritated him and turned to face where the sound was coming from, frowning. Were they serious?

"I'm just saying that's the orders Harry. We have to keep you safe, especially since You-know-who is getting more active."

"Bloody hell! No… just no." Harry was a bit surprised at the anger but at that point was too wrung out to do anything about it. Besides the anger really did help make his point on this issue.

There was a pause and then, "What do you mean Harry?"

Harry was glad it was Tonks, if it had been anyone else he probably would have had to hex them or something in order to get him to listen. In fact, maybe the other day when he went to the Library it could have been her on guard or that waste of space Fletcher. He hadn't heard any faint snoring so he wasn't sure. "I will not be a prisoner even if it's for my safety. That's just insane. Dumbledore did that to Sirius and I know it was making him stir crazy. Is that why I haven't heard anything from my friends because someone decided to keep me bloody _safe_?"

Tonks took a step back, surprised at Harry's anger. He was a bit surprised by it as well, but his emotions had been all over the place since the Ministry. She cautiously answered, "I wouldn't know about that Harry."

"If you want to keep me safe then keep me safe, don't keep me locked away and unable to contact my friends. And you can tell everyone else I said that so they won't be surprised when I do my own thing. And keep my mail safe don't lock me away from my mail. Merlin, whose bloody plan was this, Dumbledore?" Harry really was getting more and more upset with how it seemed like his life was being played with. He was tired of being jerked around by his enemies and by the people who were supposed to be his allies. If they really wanted to help him then they should help him, not be obstacles themselves. He was beyond tired of this.

With a blush, Tonks nodded to what he said and replied, "Will do. Look I'm not sure how much can be done with some people but I will do what I can to get this through to them."

Harry tried to calm himself. He could tell that Tonks was trying and his anger wasn't really helping anything. This was definitely something he needed to work on. Lately, his emotions controlled him and not the other way around. "Thanks. Look I'm gonna go get cleaned up. I may or may not be leaving later, I'm not sure. If you're still here I guess that means you'll be following me. If not then let the others know that I am not playing prison boy any longer. Living here is difficult enough without having to be trapped inside."

"Sure Harry."

He headed inside and then immediately upstairs. Thankfully his uncle was off at work so he wouldn't have to put up with him and his bellowing. His aunt didn't even glance his way as he walked in so that was a bit of a blessing. While she wasn't as mean as the other two her words cut the most. Dudley was probably still asleep in all honesty, given that it was summer hols and he tended to stay out late. Given that all he did was sleep and hang out with Piers and his usual gang of losers all hours of the night it really wasn't a surprise that Dudders was crashed out. This meant that he was able to take his shower in peace, for which he was thankful. The occasional pounding on the door while he tried to clean up was rather disconcerting.

Walking into his room, towel wrapped round his waist, Harry realized something annoying. All his clothes sucked for what he was trying to do. They were all too big for one, excessively worn out, and in the case of what passed for shoes, barely holding together except for the liberal use of tape. How could he be expected to get fit or even more to the point, move right if part of the time he was fighting his clothes? There had been several moments during the last few years where his clothes had become problematic, hampering his ability to dodge. No, this was a thing he needed to fix before things got too much farther. He didn't want to drag Tonks with him to go shopping, as that would be odd, and the Weasleys were right out because the last thing that would happen would be for Mrs. Weasley to go against Dumbledore, but what about Hermione or Luna? Sure he hadn't heard from them just like everyone else but if that was Dumbledore's stupid plan who was he to follow along? He wanted to make his own choices, his own decisions. Merlin, he was going to be 16 this year, so he wasn't a little kid any longer. He was well aware that he wasn't a full adult yet but things were just ridiculous. Anyway, just how was he going to get a hold of Hermione or Luna anyway?

As he pulled on the handmedowns, it hit him like a bludger. God he was a total idiot. It was so very obvious and of course had never occurred to him because he thought too much like a wizard. He could _call_ Hermione, like with the telephone. Actual technology was sure to be something that ad slipped past Dumbledore's plans for keeping him isolated. He knew the city she lived in and her last name, despite not knowing her actual number. Surely directory assistance would be able to help out here, since that was what they did. He headed downstairs, shaking his head at being so, well, dumb. Of course the obvious would be missed. Making the call he waited for the phone to be answered once directory assistance connected him. "Hello Granger residence."

"Hermione?" asked Harry. The person on the other end sounded a bit tired and wrung out so he wasn't sure if it was Hermione or not. It could be her mother for all he knew, so he wasn't going to rule that out either.

"Harry?" The surprise was quite evident.

Apparently it was Hermione who had answered which made him smile. This was going better than he had hoped. "Hey there Mione. How are you?"

"Uhm… fine but I thought… I… how are you?" Hermione sounded a touch confused and hesitant as she spoke, which was an indication that he was clearly doing something unexpected. He liked that. It was rare that he was able to truly surprise her.

"Bored out of my mind honestly. I haven't gotten to my homework yet but I have some ideas running around my head. I have been reading a few books and they have got me thinking. I know Crawley isn't too far away from here. Would it be okay if I came by to visit?" He asked.

"Aren't you supposed to stay somewhere safe?" She sounded conflicted like she wanted to say yes but her responsible part was arguing back.

"For the most part but I'm getting stir crazy here. That's okay; I have a guard and my invisibility cloak and if worse comes to worse I will fight back. But I will not sit here and be a prisoner any longer." He said definitively.

"How are you going to get over here? You don't know how to apparate or make portkeys? Surely you're not going to fly are you?"

Harry started chuckling. Magic really did infect the way you looked at the world, taking away the obvious answers sometimes. Granted it had been the same sort of mistake he had made earlier so it was fun to see her make the same mistake in thinking. "No, of course not. I'm not that crazy Hermione. I was planning on taking the bus if that was okay with you. Not a lot of purebloods frequent muggle busses so I should be nice and safe."

"Oh." He could almost hear the blush and that made him smile. Hermione was so smart that when she overlooked simple things like that it was a rare and wonderful thing. If only he could be there to see the blush in person.

"So is it okay if I came over?" He really hoped she said yes, despite her responsible self telling her not to allow it.

There was a pause before she replied, "Sure."

"Great." He really felt excited by that idea. This would be a lot of fun and far better than just hanging around Privet Drive. "See you in a little bit."

That did leave Harry in a bit of a quandary. Should he get some money from his vault and then go shopping with Hermione or should he just go and talk to her about his plan this trip? Both were tempting and he had no idea how often he could pull this off before Dumbledore intervened. Maybe he should just go over and see how she was doing and talk with her, at least to start. He had no idea how she was health wise and she had been seriously hurt in the battle. Maybe he could arrange a shopping trip later, given how she was feeling? Now if only he could get a hold of Luna, Neville, or the Weasleys without any hassle everything would be excellent.

He grabbed his new books and put them in his empty school bag, as he was sure she would want to see them. Those went in along with his cloak. There were a few other things that might be useful, like the knife that Sirius got him and the communication mirror. He didn't know if it connected to Remus or not but it was at least a potential communication tool that he had been stupid enough to forget about. He needed to be better, to think tactical and not like a kid. He snorted. Honestly, when had he been a kid? Thanks to the oh so tender mercies of the Dursleys he really hadn't had a good childhood, being more servant than anything else. That was one of the reasons he really connected with Dobby, that shared history of suffering while he worked. No, he needed to stop trying to live the illusion and just accept the crap that life kept throwing at him. Dumbledore might keep harping about him needing a childhood but he had already been kept from one and there was really little chance that he would get to be a child so long as Voldemort was after him.

He called out to his aunt just before walking outside, he figured that he would be back in time to handle the evening meal and if not what were they going to do to him? Hit him? Yell at him? Honestly he barely cared anymore. They were barely his relatives all things considered. He actually felt closer to Malfoy than he did the Dursleys, despite how horrible that thought was. Tonks would keep up with him or just stand there and watch him disappear for all he cared. Getting out of the house was something he could do to get out and forget about this life he was forced to live. It didn't take long for the Auror and Order member to make her appearance after he had left the house, "Where to now Harry?"

"Crawley." He kept walking as he talked, heading towards the bus stop.

"Why there?"

"Hermione."

"Okay." He could hear the traces of confusion in her voice as she spoke. "So how are you planning on getting there?"

Harry rolled his eyes. Honestly, what was it with some people? Tonks had a muggleborn father, surely she had a better grasp of things than this. "There is a bus stop ahead and I can transfer to Crawley without too much problem several stops ahead. It is safe and not connected to the magical world so there is nothing for anyone to trace."

She nodded and grinned at him. "Alright. That works. Shall we?"

"You're coming with me?" Despite his earlier comments he was still surprised by how ready she was to follow along.

"Well I'm certainly not going to sit here and let Moody show up and chew me out for losing you. I got that enough as an Auror trainee to last a life time."

"Fair enough."

Once they caught the bus, the trip wasn't long and Harry took the time to get to know Tonks better, asking her about her family, what her father did, things like that. Since Sirius had explained a bit about his history and how his grandmother Dorea had been a black, that mean that Tonks was family. It helped pass the time and helped a little with the ache in his heart, because they were related and that meant he still had family in the world. Sure she wasn't a Potter but they were family nonetheless. They had both lost Sirius thanks to this stupid war and were both grieving, though Tonks not nearly as acute as Harry. However, they were also both happy to see the stop that they needed so they could stop wallowing around in their feelings. That loss was still too fresh.

As the bus pulled away, they both looked around to get a better lay of the land. Tonks smiled at him knowingly, well aware that he had no clue where he was headed. "So Harry, where do we go from here?"

He looked at her in some disbelief and shook his head. As if he had a clue as to where Hermione lived, despite having her street address. He glanced at the stores around the stop and noticed a Chinese place that delivered. Thinking about it a minute he found his answer. With a grin, he walked over there and entered. Not wanting to simply bug them for information, he bought sodas for himself and Tonks before asking for directions. They headed off, drinking from their cans, looking at the set of written directions. Tonks chuckled some and said, "Okay, that was clever."

"Thanks. I figured if anyone would know directions around Crawley it would be a delivery place," commented Harry. He was rather proud of having sussed that out.

"I'll have to remember that if I ever need that sort of information."

It was a bit of a hike from the bus stop but soon they walked up to a multistory brick house that was at the end of their directions. Harry was impressed. For all that his Uncle Vernon had pride of place, #4 was nothing at all compared to this. This was a rather nice home, with lovely gardens and was certainly not the track housing so common in Little Whinging. No… this was good. Looking at it he really could place Hermione here. It felt like her. "Come on."

He knocked on the door and waited, grinning to himself and utterly pleased that he had made it to Hermione's house with no misadventure. It had to be a first in his life. Shortly Hermione opened it and she looked fairly wan and tired. Harry frowned at the sight and began to feel bad. He and his stupidity had done this to her. He had gotten her into this mess and now look at her. How could he have been so dumb?

Hermione smiled at seeing him and said, "Hi Harry. Hi Tonks."

"Hi Hermione." Tonks was quite chipper.

Harry's response was a good bit more subdued. Just looking at her brought his guilt to the fore. It was like having his face rubbed into his mistake painfully. "Hey Hermione."

Hermione frowned and she narrowed her eyes, "What's wrong?"

"I just…" He took a deep breath, trying to make himself understood as so much on him just wanted to beg for her forgiveness. "I'm sorry I got you hurt."

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed before answering. "Honestly Harry, you are not Dolohov and thus aren't the one who did this to me, so you have nothing to feel sorry about. Your actions saved us all."

"But…" Harry was at a complete loss how to respond. She wasn't even just a little bit upset with him leading them into an ambush?

"Harry James Potter don't be a prat. Now come inside so I can sit down and we can talk. Clearly you need it."

Harry meekly followed. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Hermione when she was injured thanks to him being an idiot. When she got like this it was far easier to just do whatever she said. He needed to do better by her. Since she usually was the one to save him because of what she knew. Maybe his ideas would help redeem him and she would feel like he was upholding his part of things.

Once seated, she sighed and then looked over at him. One eyebrow cocked as she noted his squirming and so she asked, "So you said you had some ideas running round your head? What kind of ideas?"

"Yeah. Since I realized that we were very, very lucky at the Ministry and I…" He had to swallow down his nerves. "Well I don't want to just rely on luck ever again when it comes to you, or Luna, or Ron, or Neville, or Ginny, or… well anyone else really. I keep rushing into things and fighting wildly which has a tendency to get myself and others hurt. I… I can't afford that anymore. I lost Sirius because I was rash and I almost lost you. I have to be better. So I thought that it might be smart to look at some books about people who really know what they are doing in terms of fighting terrorists and these kinds of battles."

Tonks was giving him an appraising look while Hermione's was far more pointed, as if she were following his logic and trying to jump ahead. "Go on."

"Well… as you know, the SAS and the US Special Forces are both trained to fight this kind of fight, what with the Troubles and such. I mean, from what I read, these guys have a far more appropriate approach the this than police officers so I was thinking, maybe some of their ideas and tactics would work for us?" He looked at her as he shrugged, spreading his hands wide.

Whatever Tonks had expected Harry to say, this was certainly not it given her surprised look. However, Hermione was following along, nodding slowly. "So what you are saying is that we pull out what we can from their doctrine and see how it can apply to magical warfare, especially since their tactics and doctrine are a lot more advanced and developed than what seems to be the norm for the wizarding world. I mean, everything we've seen and experienced reminds me more of Napoleonic battles, where it dissolves into a melee at the end, rather than the more tactically driven modern battlefield."

Harry nodded. He wouldn't have put it exactly that way but yes. Did Hermione just know a little about everything? "So this all makes sense?"

Hermione's grin lightened his heart. Maybe this was helping his position out. "Absolutely Harry. That idea is absolutely brilliant and is a great way to cross something over from one world to the other. If we can make this work it will certainly not be something they will be expecting. I assume you are also thinking about the physical training aspect of it?"

"Oh yeah, we got too winded as the fight went along and that's dangerous. I've already started running." Harry felt buoyed by the fact that she was helping him run with this idea. "I brought along some of the books I have on this if you wanted to take a look."

Hermione took the books and flipped through them, her eyes scanning the pages quickly. "This really is brilliant Harry, it really is. With these we can shake up the DA and give ourselves a better chance to succeed. Oh… Tonks, is there any way you can get Harry some books on how Auror's fight, their tactics and such? That would let him make comparisons and get a better appraisal of things. Without that knowledge we won't be able to make the most of this."

Tonks nodded slowly, clearly thinking through the proposal as well and trying to see if she would get in trouble for sharing information. "I can do that. I can pick up some of the training texts right after the will reading."

"Wait… what will reading?" asked Harry, a bit lost after this change in topics.

Hermione and Tonks both stared at him a bit incredulously. They shared a look and then Hermione said gently, "The reading of Sirius's will."

He blinked a few times, his heart aching at this further acknowledgement of his loss. "Wait, what? When is that supposed to happen?"

"Tomorrow. Surely you got your Gringots letter about it?" Hermione cast her eyes over to Tonks, to see if the Auror could provide any additional information.

Shaking his head, Harry's thoughts raced, trying to figure out why that could be the case, why he might not be aware of something the others were. Could this be more of Dumbledore's protections? Frowning, he called out, "Dobby!"

There was a loud pop and the nervous house elf was standing there in front of him, wringing his hands, "What can Dobby do for Harry Potter?"

He picked up a notebook from the coffee table and scrawled out a quick note. He needed information and maybe a way to fix things. "Could you please take this to Gringotts and give it to the goblin in charge of the Black account for me please?"

Dobby nodded excitedly, took the note, and vanished. Harry looked at the other two intently and asked, "Now exactly when is this taking place?"


	3. Chapter 3

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: I am glad that so many of you are reading and leaving comments. They certainly let me know what you think about the story, which is helpful. Take care and hopefully there will be more soon.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap 3.

Harry lowered the weights with a slight clank and sighed. His arms felt remarkably like jelly and that was slightly disturbing. Maybe he had worked them a bit too hard? He wasn't sure as he was going off guesses here. All he was doing was trying to lift what he could as many times as he could. That was exhausting and didn't really last long. Maybe this called for a different book, something that could help him figure out the right way to do this. Surely there were books on exercise he could reference. Everything he had learned in quidditch and done for years was of no help here. It was an entirely different type of exercise. The phone rang and he sighed.

He headed downstairs, glad for the distraction. Resting his arms sounded like a lovely plan, given all he had done as well as his chores. He reached the phone and responded as politely as he could manage, "Dursley residence."

"Harry?"

"Tonks?" Harry was rather confused. Why was she calling him?

"Wotcher. Yeah, the reading is this afternoon, remember? Do you think you can make it to that library near the house right after lunch?"

"Sure, that also lets me get my chores done. I can even do some studying before then." Harry was mentally running through his list of chores, trying to work everything out.

"Right, then I will see you there at one o'clock."

After he hung the phone up his aunt asked from the living room, "Was that one of your… friends?"

"Yes Aunt Petunia."

"And this one knew how to use the phone?" There was a degree of disbelief in her question, because surely a freak wouldn't know how to use a phone.

Harry rolled his eyes, glad that he couldn't be seen. "Yes. Her father is muggleborn and works as a lawyer so apparently their house has phones and magic."

His aunt sniffed derisively and Harry took that as his cue to escape so he could knock out a number of his chores. Weeding the garden was actually quick work, seeing as that was a usual task and weeds really didn't have that much of a chance to make a strong presence in the garden. Every day he did something out there and it showed. He tidied the house, which was thankfully not very dirty and then headed upstairs, happy to get away from his Aunt. He went to the beat up desk and sat down to go through his books. Looking through the Special Forces book he saw the mention of After Action Reports, which was summarized as basically going over what did and didn't work in an engagement so you could learn from your mistakes and successes. That sounded useful and a great way to learn from the various encounters he had had.

Moving the book to the side, Harry got out a new sheet of parchment and started writing down what had occurred at the Ministry as best as he could remember. He was surprised by just how much he did remember now that he thought about it. That was rather surprising. A great deal of it seemed etched into his thoughts. Then he wrote down the mistakes, things where he knew they had screwed up. It was a depressing list but also shorter than he had expected which made him frown. Was he forgetting something? He then wrote up what they had done right and that was a larger list and was sort of grouped by name as each person had done different things well. For all that had gone wrong and poorly during that fight, they really had done rather well overall and kept their heads. Thinking about this he really wanted to see what the others could come up with if they did this as well. He sort of doubted that Ron would do this, as anything outside of schoolwork was certainly not going to fly.

Writing out short notes to each of those at the ministry covering what he wanted along with some other information such as how he had been and the like, Harry then thought about the fact that he hadn't gotten any communication from any others. It was irritating as he really could use his friends as he tried to deal with his grief over losing Sirius and his grief over leading his friends into a trap. It was like he was being ignored for no good reason. No, he didn't need to think about that right now. If he focused on that too much, either Sirius's death or the lack of contact, he would get quite depressed again and he was trying to avoid that. There were things he had to get done and he honestly didn't have the time.

If there was something keeping the messages from getting to him then maybe there was something that could stop Hedwig. He frowned at that. Given everything he just couldn't risk his owl. No he needed another way to get these out. "Dobby?"

The House Elf appeared with a soft pop, looking excited to be there. "Yes Harry Potter sir?"

"Could you take these to Neville, Luna and Hermione? I'm probably going to see Ron later so I can deliver his I guess. If not then you can deliver these to Ron and Ginny." He handed over three of the letters.

"Certainly Harry Potter. Dobby can do this."

When the house elf disappeared before he could thank the excitable elf, Harry turned to Hedwig who was glaring at him. He blushed and said defensively, "Look, I know you are amazing at this but someone has been screwing with my mail and I didn't want to put you at risk over it. I would rather keep you safe than let you get hurt over something this unimportant."

Hedwig continued to stare at him for a moment and then bobbed her head. Harry let out the breath he had been holding. A reprieve from a grumpy owl was a good thing. "Thank you Hedwig."

He went back to his books, noting the time and saw there was a whole section on how important communication was. These military units had the best communication gear money could buy and they also used hand signals when they needed to do things silently. It was certainly something to think about. There were diagrams in the books with some of the hand signals and he could see where it would be useful. Maybe something like that would be nice to have? He wondered if he would be able to get actual military training manuals as they certainly would have better and more focused information on this. He would have to talk to Hermione about that. Out of everyone he knew she was the one who actually knew the most about finding and buying books in either world. Maybe he should actually make a list of the sorts of things he would want to look for?

His guilt rose up, reminding him what his folly had caused. Hermione, his most consistent friend, had been almost killed because he hadn't bothered to listen to her. She was almost always right but oh no he knew better. His temper seemed to control him more often than not and he just didn't need that, not anymore. Things were so dangerous that losing his temper could cause more people he cared about to almost die. Everything he had read about the SAS showed that they were generally level headed, especially in combat. His life was in danger thanks to Voldemort so he needed to think before he jumped into things, because it wasn't just his life on the line. The Ministry had shown that clearly, painfully. He knew that Hermione would not let him go off and face danger without her and Ron was the same. There was no way he could take off without them. And the other three just happened to be there when it all went down but Harry was sure a number of the DA members would have been there for him and fought just as bravely. If he acted rashly, like he usually did, all these people would be put on the line as well. He had to do better.

A glance at his clock let him know what time it was. If he was going to meet Tonks then he had to get going. Grabbing his wand, the few books he wanted to return, and then stuffing his invisibility cloak into his empty book bag, he hefted it and headed downstairs. He didn't bring the knife because he had forgotten it had melted at the Ministry. He had stared at it sadly for a while last night, realizing that yet another thing that had connected him to Sirius was gone. In his folly he had lost something that was now a precious reminder of better times. He sighed, to clear his thoughts and said, "Aunt Petunia, I'm heading over to the library."

His Aunt glared at him and then nodded, not saying anything.

With a sigh, Harry exited the house and headed towards the Library. He disliked his relatives considering how they treated him and had his whole life but they were also all he had left. Maybe if Sirius had lived and had managed to prove his innocence then he would have been able to go live with his godfather, but that avenue was fully closed. And he was certain Dumbledore wouldn't really give him any other options for places to stay. He was rather insistent that Harry come back here. Basically, Harry would have to make do until he managed to leave the house which wouldn't be until his birthday next summer.

As he walked towards his old sanctuary, he realized that he basically ensured that he had to stay at Durzkaban until then because he had acted rashly. He really did need to get a handle on his emotions before they got him killed. Maybe there were some books on that at the library? Sure, he was reading and studying far more like Hermione than he usually did but it was so boring at the Dursleys and it wasn't like he got the Prophet or the Quibbler to keep him occupied. Harry frowned, he needed to know more if he was going to keep others safe and the only way to do that was to learn, something he really hadn't taken all that seriously until now. No more slacking, he just didn't have the option anymore. It wasn't about NEWTs but rather about his friends and desperately hoping that they would survive till the end of this, that he would survive the end of this.

He stopped and rubbed his face with one hand. He was trying but it wasn't like it was an overnight process. Unfortunately magic couldn't just give him this knowledge he would have to work for it. Maybe he needed to really get Hermione in on this, as she knew far more about studying than Harry did. Maybe he should talk to Luna as well, because she had a different way of looking at things that could make a difference? Then again, Harry realized that he should also send something to Susan, to see if there was anything her Aunt could do to help him in this insanity. She was most definitely an untapped resource, what with being the head of the DMLE. With a sigh, he realized that he had been so focused on doing this all on his own that he had actually been neglecting all sorts of resources. The SAS books were clear that such units used any and every advantage they could get to accomplish their missions. Perhaps what he needed to was let others in, no matter how much it scared him?

Not seeing Tonks anywhere about, he headed into the building. Once he disposed of the books he didn't need anymore, he asked the Librarian where there could be books on Anger Management and the like. He followed her directions quickly, moving through the stacks to the right place and stood in the aisle staring at all the titles. He had no clue what might or might not be good so maybe he should go with something that sounded decent? He grabbed a few books on the subject, one on grieving for a loved one, as he knew he needed help with that, and then spotted a few titles that had him freeze, stunned to see anything of the sort.

His eyes seemed glued to the titles and they spoke of healing from childhood abuse. He swallowed dryly, his hands sweating some in nervous reaction. Would going through something like that help? He knew that the Dursleys had treated him poorly his whole life but would it qualify as abuse? There was no doubt what Hermione's answer would be if asked, so maybe he should look into this? When he reached out and took hold of one of the books his hands were shaking so maybe there could be something to this? It wouldn't hurt to read… right?

Once he checked out the new books, he went outside to wait. Why had he done that? Why had he picked up _those_ books? It had been an impulse like the one that had lead him to the SAS books and his impulses rarely led him wrong. He shook his head to clear it. He really had no intention of dealing with that now as delving that deeply into his emotions just seemed primed for failure. Sitting on a bench he let his mind drift, trying to forget everything.

"Wotcher Harry." Tonks came from around the side of the building and called out her greeting.

Pushing away the depressive turn his thoughts had taken, he replied with false cheer. "Hi Tonks."

"So, are you ready to go?"

He shook his head, "No, but let's do this."


	4. Chapter 4

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: As I mentioned, there aren't exactly any regular updates. So it goes.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 4

The two of them appeared in a corner of the Leaky Cauldron and moved swiftly towards the Alley, trying to avoid attracting too much attention. Once they made it inside Diagon Alley, Tonks kept scanning the street as they hustled to the bank. Safely within the marble walls they paused and Tonks looked about the vast open room. Nodding in decision, she walked up to one of the open tellers with Harry trailing behind and asked politely, "We are here for the reading of the Black Will."

The goblin glared at her, measuring her for some reason, and then nodded. He gestured to one of the waiting goblins and when that one responded he said, "Take them to Reading Room 2."

When their escort turned, walked towards the back and they moved to keep up. Harry felt his anger growing. Why hadn't Professor Dumbledore told him about this? Why was he being made to sit at the Dursleys without any information? It was just like last summer and it was pissing him off. This whole thing made him a touch crazy, not like he needed any advice to get there. Reaching a set of doors that was down a few hallways, the goblin stopped and opened the door, gesturing them inside. When Harry entered he was surprised to see a number of people already there: Ron, Hermione, Fred and George, Remus, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Dumbledore all there and in seats. Everyone except Hermione seemed rather surprised to see him.

The goblin at the head of the table smiled, a cold reptilian smile, and said, "Good, now that all the principals are here, if there is no argument, we will begin."

As Harry took a seat next to Hermione he could feel the weight of Professor Dumbledore's gaze on him and it was disconcerting. It almost felt like his gaze was burrowing into him. He knew better at this point to look him in the eye, and wondered just what the Headmaster was trying to figure out.

The goblin cleared his throat, a rather disturbing sound, reminding Harry of a slightly blocked garbage disposal. He picked up some pages and began, "This stands as the last will and testament of Sirius Orion Black, Head of House Black upon the occasion of my death. I, Sirius Orion Black, being of sound enough mind and body do make the following bequests upon my death.

To Remus John Lupin, my dearest brother and fellow troublemaker, I leave you 15,000 galleons and the deed to a house I have purchased specifically for you. You're stuck with it Remus and it's even got a room for your furry little problem. I love you Moony. Don't be in a rush to see us again, we'll still be here.

To Nymphadora Tonks, my most colorful cousin, I leave you 5,000 galleons and reinstatement to the Black Family. I would have taken care of it sooner but being a wanted criminal limited me some. Have fun Tonksy and welcome to the family.

To Minerva Grace McGonagall, my favorite teacher at Hogwarts, I leave you 5,000 galleons and my eternal thanks for being the best Head of House ever and for taking care of Harry. You have done more than anyone else to give two out of place boys a decent start in life.

To Albus Brian Percival Wulfric Dumbledore, I leave you the Dark Arts texts of the Black family. I hope that they help you fight the good fight. I also leave you a letter. I should have told you all that before this happened but there never seemed to be time. Please take it seriously.

To Ronald Bilius Weasley, I leave you 5,000 galleons and my thanks for being Harry's friend when he needed one. I also remember making friends with a Potter on my way up to school so I know how important such friendship can be.

To Fred and George Weasley, I leave you 5,000 galleons each with the hopes that you invest it into your business as well as a special book filled with secrets. I am told you already know the passwords. Please use it to help yourselves in your business. Everyone needs some laughs now and again if only to remind them that the light is always there.

The twins looked really excited at that and danced some in their chairs. The others just rolled their eyes at their antics while Harry felt certain that the money and the book would be put to good use. The twins were already brilliant and with Marauder secrets they could only get better.

To Hermione Jean Granger, I leave you 5,000 galleons as well as the remainder of the Black Library minus the Dark Arts books that have aleady been disposed of. I just want to say again that I have never met a more clever witch than yourself and that includes Harry's mother Lily who was terrifyingly brilliant. I am sorry I am not there to see where this gift takes you.

And lastly to Harry James Potter, my Heir in all things, I leave you the remainder of my property and goods, to include the title as Head of the Black Family. May you help my family become less of a Dark family and enter into the light. I love you Prongslet and I'm sorry things came to this. I wanted nothing more than to take care of you as a proper Godfather should, to be everything that your parents had wanted me to be. You take care of yourself Harry and keep your friends close and please, for me, find love.

Thus ends the Last Will and Testament of Sirius Orion Black. So mote it be.

The goblin shuffled some paper as he finished and looked up at the assembly, saying, "I have forms for you all to fill out in order to obtain your bequests. Thank you."

Harry sat there, leaning back in his chair, eyes unfocused, thinking about all this. A whole life reduced to a few lines in a Will. It so wasn't worth it. There was nothing that had been read that made up for losing Sirius. They had grown closer and closer as time had gone along and now he was berefit his Godfather. He had lost so much throughout his life and once again he had a bloody pile of gold and things instead of a loved one. It wasn't fair. And to be getting this when he was the root cause of Sirius's death was even more wrong. Closing his eyes, he tried to regain his equilibrium, breathing slow and steady, fighting against the prickle of tears in the corners of his eyes.

When he opened them again Hermione and Professor Dumbledore were the only ones left in the room except for the goblin who looked a touch irritated at business not having been completed promptly. "Yes sir?"

"Harry, I am sorry you had to be here for this. I had hoped to spare you from this, that you would be able to heal from this pain without having this burden thrust upon you. I intended to visit you later this summer and tell you everything about this. I only want you to stay safe." Professor Dumbledore did look contrite as he spoke.

"Thank you sir but in case people haven't told you yet, we need to find a better way to keep me safe. I am not going to be restricted to that house and I am going to find ways to contact my friends. Being trapped at Privet Drive is torture enough as is without adding direct confinement to the list," growled out Harry, his irritation with the Headmaster showing.

Dumbledore watched him with somewhat sad eyes. "You know I do these things for your own safety."

"I appreciate that sir and I am grateful for that but safety without freedom might as well be prison." Hermione smiled at him when he said that helping to bleed away some of his anger.

Dumbledore took a few moments to stare at Harry before he said, "I see. Will you at least continue to live there until you are escorted away?"

"Yes. I can do that. You said there was a very good reason to stay them over the summer and I am not disputing that fact but I am disputing the notion that the guards you have set would rather keep me trapped behind the wards and in the house rather than allow me to have a life. That is no longer an option," reiterated Harry. "I won't put up with that anymore."

"Of course. Will you allow the guards to watch over you as you wander about?" asked Dumbledore, a touch concerned.

"That sounds fine sir. I don't begrudge help in keeping me safe but I do object to becoming a prisoner in the name of safety. I recall reading that whoever sacrifes their freedom for security deserves neither," stated Harry, noting that Hermione did seem pleased with him again.

"Very well Harry, I will make sure that the others understand that. I will still come by later in the summer to pick you up from them. Will that be alright?"

Harry's face softened a little at this, as did his voice. "It will be fine Professor."

Dumbledore brightened some and said, "Very well. Good day to you both."

Hermione bounced up and hugged him once the door was closed behind the Headmaster. While surprising, it was a nice sensation but he could tell that it wasn't nearly as tight as usual. Harry remembered why that was the case and frowned, his guilt bothering him. Hermione caught his look and asked, "What?"

"Nothing."

She just gave him a look that blatantly called him a liar and demanded that he answer her question.

Given that this was a look more often directed at Ron than himself, Harry was quite clear as to the fact that he would be in trouble if he didn't spill before things escalated. "You're… you're still injured."

Her eyes narrowed, "Yes… and I am getting better. Now stop with that. You aren't Dolohov and you didn't cast the curse. Now, I assume that we only have a little bit of time before you're heading back?"

"Yeah. I don't want to stay out too long, given the fact that it could put me at some risk in someplace as open as Diagon Alley. In places that aren't wizarding it might be less of an issue but here… not good. The odds of a Death Eater spotting me are higher than I would like. But enough about that… I wanted to let you know I picked up more books and am looking through them."

This caught her attention as he figured it might. "Oh? What about?"

"Well, uh… controlling my emotions." It was embarrassing to admit but he was able to, mostly.

She beamed at him. "That's a great idea Harry. I read that controlling your emotions can help with occlumency as well as the fact that it might help you in dealing with Malfoy and other prats like him."

That was useful but it was still a bit weak. Those certainly hadn't been ideas he had when he had been looking at the books earlier. As it was the topic left him feeling a bit exposed. He looked a bit abashed and said, "Look can we talk about this elsewhere?"

Hermione looked at Harry with a cocked head then nodded, clearly deciding something. "Sure. Have Tonks get you to my house later? I was going to hit Flourish and Blots before heading home so could you handle that? Would my house be safe enough to talk to me?"

Harry nodded. "I'm sure she can manage that."

"Great." Hermione turned to the goblin that was still in the room, looking even more pained that things still hadn't been finished up. "Excuse me sir, I have a quick question."

The goblin looked at her with some irritation at being held up but then sighed in acceptance. "Yes?"

"Do you have warding services available?"

Seeing that the topic was business the Goblin brightened up some as his frown grew less pronounced. "Yes we do."

"Excellent," proclaimed Hermione. "I would like to contract you to ward my house."

"Really Hermione?" asked Harry, somewhat surprised. "I didn't think they could do that since it's a home in a muggle neighborhood."

Hermione turned to the goblin, one eyebrow raised. "Will that be an issue?"

"Not at all miss. Warding properties within muggle neighborhoods is fairly commonplace and has been for a while now."

She grinned at Harry and said, "Well, get going. I will see you at the house soon."

Harry was fairly confused as he signed the necessary paperwork, collected a new key and a collection of documents before leaving the room. Tonks was waiting for him just down the hall. He came alongside her and as they left the bank Harry murmured, "She's crazy."

Tonks apparently overheard him. "What did Hermione do this time?"

Harry explained about Hermione wanting to ward her parent's house. Tonks nodded along and then said, "No, I understand what she is doing but she is skirting a pretty fine line. Trying to make sure her parents are safe is not a bad plan. From what I remember that is pretty much allowed since it is her direct blood relations."

"I get that, but her first thought when she had money was that? It was almost like she didn't even think about the library she had gotten."

"Maybe she didn't have the resources prior to this to take care of it. It's a very pragmatic response." Tonks shrugged, unconcerned.

Harry nodded. He understood pragmatism as that was very much how he fought, doing anything he could think of if he thought it was useful. Maybe there were things he was missing out on though, things that would be even more pragmatic and make combat a touch easier. Actually, anything at all that would make combat easier would be a godsend. "Tonks, speaking of pragmatism, are there any pragmatic sorts of things I could get to help with fighting?"

She nodded, easily seeing where he was going with this. "Oh certainly, there are a number of things. There are wand holsters that can keep your wand safe or have it leap to your hand." Pulling back a sleeve she showed him her wrist holster. "It can really speed up your response time. Didn't the Twins come up with things that might help? Anything to mess with the enemy or protect yourself is useful."

Harry thought about it, remembering a few things they talked about, and nodded. "I think I remember them mentioning something along those lines. And they were looking into other products at that time to help with shielding."

"From the scuttlebutt I heard at work, right now they are actually supplying things to auror forces but if you talk to them I am sure they would be happy to help you. I mean… they like you."

Harry grinned as he realized that he might be able to do something immediately to help assuage his feelings of guilt. "Let's drop by their store before we head back. I want to get several wand holsters from wherever they're sold and also pick up some of the shield hats. If it will help me and my friends to be safe and be able to react faster, then the cost is totally worth it."


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: Thank all of you who have favorited and followed this story. I really appreciate it. And for all of you who have commented, thank you. Your comments help let me know that people are really enjoying themselves and to see what you all think of these story developments. Thanks.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 5

With a pop, Tonks and Harry arrived at the Granger's backyard. Harry still disliked that mode of transport given how compressed it made him feel but he could easily see its importance. Tonks had shrunk the bags they had picked up and Harry was carrying them in his pocket, kind of looking forward to giving things to Hermione. Harry walked up and knocked on the back door, standing slightly to the side politely. After a brief wait it opened up and there was Hermione looking excited. She was nearly bouncing. "Come in."

Harry raised an eyebrow at her. She seemed so very excited. The only thing he had really seen her this excited over was books and so that had to be it, not that he was insane enough to say that out loud. "Hermione, are you okay?"

She waved off his concern, her smile never faltering. "I'm good. But you need to see what I found in the used book section."

"They have a used book section?" Harry didn't remember there being a used book section of Flourish and Blotts. He had been there several times and he distinctly recalled never seeing anything of that nature.

With a sigh of long suffering Hermione looked at him flatly. It was a very familiar look. "Harry, it's the section upstairs from where the Weasleys often buy their books. I discovered it a few years back and it has been really helpful. I have made some great finds there of some difficult to find books."

Tonks chuckled and shook her head. She knew of that portion of the store as well. "So what did you find?"

"Well, I got a number of interesting books on various topics but more importantly there were some Auror training manuals in the DADA section and better still was a training manual the Ministry used in the 40s to help train those who went to fight Grindelwald. Isn't that awesome?" She bounced a few times, which served to distract Harry briefly, his eyes struggling to stay locked on hers.

"Really? That's great. Those will be very useful." He really hoped Hermione hadn't noticed where his eyes had drifted. If she had he would be utterly mortified. Maybe focusing on the books, which did sound amazingly useful, would help keep him out of trouble.

Tonks seemed really excited by this as well, pumping her fist as she crowed, "Yes, I don't have to go home and grab my books and leave Harry unprotected!"

The two teens stared at the auror in some consternation. She looked back at them, with a very innocent expression plastered on her face. "What?"

Hermione shook her head dismissively and said, "Anyway, we can talk about those later. You said you wanted to talk to me about the books you got from the library away from others?"

Harry's face colored some at that. He had hoped that she would have forgotten but that was so unlike Hermione he didn't even know why he had bothered with that notion. It might be better to get this over with so he could not think about it. "Uh… yeah. I knew you would want to know about these when I got them, because, well… you. While I was waiting for Tonks, I looked through the self-help section of the library and found some things. I wanted to get some help with the anger I have been feeling and some other… things. Part of me wanted to not pick these up but part of me knew it might be for the best and anyway… well here."

He pulled free the books from his book bag and handed them to Hermione, so that only she would be able to see the titles on the spine. While Tonks was nice and family and all, he really didn't want her to know this much of his business. His friend glanced at the titles, blanched slightly upon reading one of them, and hugged Harry tightly. "I am so sorry Harry. I am sure this book will help and if you need anything, anything at all please ask. You know I am here for you… right?"

Blushing even more and feeling his guilt rise up when he felt her wince during their hug, Harry just nodded in response, emotions too riled up for words. Hermione held him for a moment longer before letting him go, changing the topic nicely as she said, "Wait a moment, let me write down all the titles we have. If you need me to I can buy the non-magical books so that we own them outright and you can always have the resource on hand I will. These sorts of things can be good resources and we shouldn't neglect those."

Harry held in his sigh of gratitude at that. "Thanks Hermione. I was going to ask you about that, because there are a couple of other books that might be nice to have. I think I am starting to come over to your way of thinking about books. Please don't gloat."

"Okay… I gotta know what book you are talking about," declared Tonks, trying to return to the prior book topic.

Hermione cut her eyes over to Harry, noted his face, and shook her head. "No… no I don't think you do. What's important is that Harry will get some help from the book, that's all. That should be sufficient."

"You're serious?" Tonks asked, looking between the two teens.

"Absolutely. It's Harry's business, if he wants to tell you I am sure he will. Now Harry, if you want I can look for more books on the SAS, tactics, training techniques and the such. Our library has an excellent collection and the local bookstore and I have an understanding so if I go in with that sort of request they will help me find the best books on the subject that are out there. They have been very helpful in obtaining the books I've needed to work on my A levels last year and have helped me get the texts I need for my HE work. And I can check a few places I know of for actual SAS training manuals, but those are very specialty store items and may take me a while to hunt down." Hermione looked very serious about the whole subject. "I'll get on it as fast as I can so you have plenty of time over the summer to do the reading you wanted. I guess this means that we're doing the DA again?"

Harry blinked a few times. Hermione already had her A levels and was working on University credits? Well, if anyone was going to overachieve to that degree it would be Hermione. That couldn't have been easy. "Uh… yeah. I figured that with Voldemort being more active that extra work in DADA couldn't hurt, regardless of who the teacher is. We might want to contact everyone and tell them what they should start doing, giving them a heads up. If people could get started with the running and the exercising that would certainly help. And I need to work through these other books to see if they can give me anymore ideas."

"You have your homework done, yes?"

"Most of it. I still have potions to do but otherwise the work is done."

Hermione nodded, pleased with Harry's focus. "Well done Harry. I am happy you got that taken care of. Right, I think we should probably write to Professor McGonnagal about this, getting the group formal permission as a DADA club."

"Won't that mean we have to take anyone who shows up?" asked Harry a bit worried.

Hermione bit her lip and then nodded slightly, "Probably, but you are talking about helping a lot of people get better at these skills. I mean, if the end of this year taught us anything it's that we are going to need to defend ourselves. And from what I've heard, the Aurors just aren't prepared to deal with Death Eaters. Your idea, looking to the Military for ideas can radically change things up. If necessary we can hold separate DA meetings for the core members to cover the more advanced stuff you come up with. I mean, not everyone probably needs to know the pure combat stuff, but we can offer it and see if anyone takes it."

Harry nodded. That made sense and when Hermione put it that way it made it sound like he had a brilliant idea rather than simply grasping at straws. If it worked and if it kept the people he cared about alive then it would all be worth it. "That makes sense. If we let the DA members know about the need for doing the physical training now they might be ready by fall. I mean… that was one of the things I noticed in the Ministry, we were faster than them but we had no endurance. Their running was more sporadic as they were supremely confident. If we had been in better shape we might have actually been able to gain some distance on them."

Hermione nodded. "I can make that happen. It would be an easy enough message to pass out to everybody."

"So this is how the revolution starts," said Tonks, apparently impressed with them.

Both teens grinned at her.

"Well, sorry to hinder this brainstorming session but I need to get Harry back and then I'll probably get chewed out by Dumbledore for taking him to Gringotts."

"Of course. Here Harry, let me grab the books I got for you so you can go." Hermione left the table and returned shortly with a fairly full bag. He could see the bit of strain she had while carrying it.

"Thanks Hermione. I'll get right to work on these." Harry really was thankful for everything she had done and was doing.

"Don't forget to finish your homework as well. Once that's done it is completely out of your way so you can concentrate on whatever you want."

He smiled at her, amused with her homework obsession. It certainly helped during the school year but over the summer it was just funny. "And let me guess, you're already done, right?"

"Well, I might add to my History of Magic report but fundamentally yes." Hermione smiled a little as her cheeks colored.

"Do you want to look through some of these SAS books?" offered Harry. "I mean there is still over a week before they are due and I am positive that I will be back to see you before then. Besides, you might see something I've missed."

"Thank you. That does sound interesting and a fascinating addition to our usual Defense work." She took several of the books indicated and handed the others back. "Call me later?"

With a grin, Harry replied, "Absolutely. I only wish I had realized sooner that calling you might be an option."

With a chuckle, Hermione teased back, "Well, you are slow sometimes."

Harry blushed and looked down at his trainers which prodded the guilt which was never far away and the whole thing spurred a memory. "I'm working on that. I am aware of how… well dumb might be the best word for that." Hermione looked like she was going to protest but he kept going. "I know what you're going to say and even you can't deny that for someone with a target on my head I really haven't been doing what I need to in order to have a chance to survive. Except for these last two years I haven't really tried to learn what I needed to. Being good at just one area is not going to help me. I need to get better, so I can make sure I don't die or lose the people I care about. Oh, and speaking about that I need to get better clothes. None of mine really fit, except for my school clothes, since they are all Dudley's hand me downs. I figured that you and maybe Luna might want to take me out shopping, since I figure you two will have the best ideas as to what might look good on me. I… I really don't have a clue how to do that."

Hermione furrowed her brow briefly. He could tell she wanted to say something about his earlier statements but then gave a short sigh and then smiled a little as she said, "I am sure we can manage that. You give me a day and I'll try to set something up with my mother. But Luna… are you sure?"

Groaning slightly, knowing of Hermione's issues with the girl, Harry said, "The couple of times we've talked Luna seems to get me. I mean, not in the same way you do but it is kind of similar. She is really insightful despite being different. I kind of think you and she would get along if you got past the whole Nargle issue. I mean, she is in Ravenclaw and there has to be a reason for that."

"If that's what you want Harry I'll try. But what about Ginny? Do you want me to try and get her to come along?"

With a shake of his head he said, "Honestly Hermione, what are the odds that Ginny could come and do this without her mother getting involved?"

Hermione nodded in agreement, "None. No, that makes sense and while Molly is a wonderful person pythons don't hug and hang on as tightly. Okay, I will get this set up. Did you want to come along Tonks?"

The Auror grinned, clearly pleased by the invite. "That would be fun. Can't let my cousin get terrible clothes now can I? Besides this way even Dumbledore shouldn't have an issue. Muggle world with an Auror guard… that is pretty safe. Well, come on Harry, we need to get going. I'm going to get chewed out enough as is."

Hermione got to her feet and hugged Harry. He was a bit stiff at first and then tried to relax into it. He had to admit it felt really nice. All Hermione's hugs felt really nice he admitted to himself. However, it also gave him a… response he hadn't ever had the few times they had shared hugs. It was mortifying and he really hoped that Hermione didn't notice it his growing issue. She let him go and Harry shifted his book bag in front of him to try and mask his erection. Hermione kept smiling, so maybe he was in the clear. At least he hoped he was. "I'll see you soon Harry."

"Talk to you later Hermione. Oh… before I go, these are for you." He handed her a wrist holster and a shield hat. "These are some things I picked up from the twins, this is a shield hat will keep you safe from a lot of hexes and curses, just nothing really major. And the other thing is something I picked up from Olivander's. I asked him about these, making sure he knew why I needed them. This wand holster is the best they have. It can keep your wand safe from Accio and with a wrist twist, pop it into your hand. This can really speed up response time instead of fumbling around with it."

"Thank you Harry. I promise I will practice with the holster. I don't want to let you down."

"You never do."

Tonks and Harry walked out into the backyard and once she got a hold of Harry she gave Hermione a cheeky wave and disapparated the two of them. Soon enough they were back at the library, out of sight. Tonks grinned a bit and said, "Let's get going Harry. I have no idea who is on guard right now so I might as well help you deal with that."

"Thanks Tonks. I really so don't want to deal with that right now. So what do you think about this idea of mine?" asked Harry, curious about the feedback from someone who fought Deatheaters professionally.

"The training you're proposing and using those different tactics? Well, I know that Moody would be really impressed. He likes thinking outside the box in terms of combat, and I have to admit that he has something with that. He uses his full spell arsenal to come up with anything that can work. Though even he tends to stand there in a spell fight, like Hermione mentioned. This can turn out to be a really good thing if the tactics mesh well because it would be the first real change to how combat is dealt with in a very long time. I think no one has thought of this because it's rare for a muggleborn to get into a position of power in the Ministry, especially in terms of the Auror Corp. Would it be okay if I briefed my bosses on this idea of yours?"

"Sure. I mean, Director Bones could use all the help she can get Death Eaters and if I can help then that's what I want to do. I just want to make sure that they no longer prove to be an issue for everyone." Harry really did want to help because if he didn't then he would be as bad as Voldemort in a lot of ways. Trying to fix the problem was better than sitting back and wishing it would get fixed all by its own. It was almost like he had an obligation for that thanks to the bloody prophecy. "Oh… maybe she should be made aware that she is probably a huge target for Death Eaters?"

"I think she is aware of that Harry but I will pass that on."

"Well, I was thinking what with Fudge having issues and the Ministry battle not going well maybe Voldemort might go after her to ensure she doesn't have a chance to become Minister or grow more effective. If I were him it's what I would do." Harry shrugged his shoulders. He had at least passed on his reasoning. That was the best he could do at the moment. "I really don't want Susan to get caught in this."

"So you're looking out for your DA members? I can respect that. Like I said all I can do is pass it on."

Up ahead they spotted number 4. Harry deflated some, seeing his prison come into view. How he wished he could be someplace else, because even with the sort of détente that had been established over this summer they still treated him as if he were something needing to be scraped off the bottoms of their shoes. He really didn't need that while trying to get past losing Sirius and getting his friends injured. Sighing heavily he grumbled, "Well, back to Durzkaban."

Tonks hugged him and said, "It'll be okay Harry. You'll see. And you're doing all you can to not be here. I'm sure it will all be over soon."


	6. Chapter 6

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: This is to let you know that a ship has shown up in later chapters, as I can't deny that is where the characters are taking me. For those of you not interested in this particular ship, this is to let you know that the ship isn't the do all be all part of the story. There is actual plot going on, like for reals. As for shipping, it seems to be drifting towards Lunar Harmony. They may get sneaky and shift towards one of those two, but from what I can tell it is both Luna and Hermione. Enjoy.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 6

"Master Harry?"

With a snort, Harry woke up and glanced over to look at the blurry figure near him. It was short and a touch greyish, at least he thought it was. The faint amount of light from outside gave the room some illumination. He reached over and grabbed his glasses, hands groping some. Once on the house elf snapped into focus and Harry frowned in confusion. "Dobby?"

"Yes Master Harry Potter sir, I brings you a letter from Miss Luna. Since she is your friend I brought it to you right away. She's very nice. I like her."

Covering his mouth to mask his yawn some, Harry nodded a little and said, "She really is nice isn't she."

"Here is the letter Master Harry Potter sir." Dobby handed over a somewhat thick envelope and waited, looking rather attentive.

With a bit of a chuckle, Harry shook his head, amused at how the House Elf was acting. "Thank you Dobby. You really are the best house elf ever. Your help has been great. Oh… I have a few more letters for you to take, but that can wait till the morning. Have you had any problems so far?"

"No sir, Dobby hasn't had any problems." His head shook making his ears flop a little.

"That's good to hear. I don't want you hurt or anything while you are doing this." Harry really tried to make that clear to the excitable House Elf who was overly prone to going too far with things.

Dobby sniffled a few times, his voice heavy with emotion, saying, "Master Harry Potter is a great and powerful wizard who cares for poor Dobby. Dobby doesn't deserve this kindness."

Not wanting a repeat of his second year misadventures at home, Harry said, "Well, you're my friend and I appreciate all you are doing for me. You totally deserve this."

Dobby nodded his head, his ears only flapping slightly this time. "Thank you Harry Potter. I will take care of these letters at once."

With a pop he disappeared before Harry was able to say anything, or making it clear that it could be done in the morning. That House Elf would be the death of him.

That thought hit him hard. Harry frowned and tried to move past the image or Sirius falling into the Veil, of seeing Hermione lying there unnaturally still. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The book talked about breathing slowly and deeply as a way to relax and get past these things. He let it out slowly and repeated that again. It was shaky and rough and oddly enough was helping. He wiped the wetness around his eyes away. No, he wasn't going to think about that right now. There were other things he needed to think about right now.

Looking at the envelope Harry tried to decide if he was going to read it right now or not. What exactly had Luna wanted to say to him and with so many pages? Slipping a finger under the flap, he opened the letter and pulled out a copy of the Quibbler and the letter, which was not as large as he had feared. There was another sheet of paper with some paint on it. He stared at it trying to make some sense of it. Unable to figure that out he put it down and turned to the letter that he really hoped would make more sense.

_Dear Harry,_

_The Blibbering Humdingers told me you might be a bit lonely and grumpy over the summer and that made me sad. Because of that and that I wanted to perhaps make you smile I have tried to send you several things but the owl always came back confused. I blame Dabberblimps for that problem. They are known to interfere with Owl Post and other things, causing things to go awry. It's a very good thing your friend Dobby arrived in one piece because I was getting worried that there could be a great migration of Dabberblimps going on strong enough to disrupt the Owl Post._

_Anyway, what I was going to tell you before isn't as important as what I am going to tell you now. I hope you are having a nice summer regardless of the end of the school year and what the Blibbering Humdingers are saying. You know, reading is good for you and I am sure that the books you are going through right now will be very helpful in the future. You would be surprised what good wisdom can be hidden within the pages of a book. Just remember to smile as well, because besides making you feel better it annoys bad people. _

_I miss you, well you and Hermione more than anyone else, because when you were around or I guess that would be both of you, it was very much like having friends and I do so love that feeling. It was something I haven't felt in a long time. Oh, I also wanted to let you know I am painting something. Here is a splotch of one of the colors so you can get an idea of what it looks like. I hope you like it._

_Luna Lovegood_

The gold splotch of paint that filled the center of the parchment looked rather odd and he just shook his head. Luna really was something else, what he had no idea. There really was no way to describe how she saw the world because he would have to understand it some in order to define it. He needed to get her to understand that he really was her friend. Hermione might not be her friend considering how they seemed to be at odds all the time. That she had joined them at the Ministry had been a bit of a surprise. It might have simply been because she had been there when it all went down but Neville, Ron, and Ginny weren't surprises. The blond Ravenclaw had been an unexpected but immensely useful addition to the group. Her idea to use the Thestrals to get to London had been brilliant. They had been at a loss and then she had just suggested that they fly. Even Hermione had been impressed by that.

He would need to write her back that was for sure. If he didn't she might doubt his overtures of friendship and if anyone needed friends more than he did it was Luna. From what he knew her life at Hogwarts was more in line with what he had guessed his would be before first year. No, she was someone that Harry would ensure knew she had friends. He just hadn't figured how to make that happen yet. His yawn surprised him as it stretched the corners of his mouth almost painfully. Perhaps he should get some more sleep before he worried about something like ensuring she had friends and writing her back.

When he woke up, Harry looked around the room blearily and his eyes lit on the letter. That brought the thoughts from last night back to the forefront. He yawned and sat up, stretching out his tight back and shoulders. Maybe he should reply to her after his run? That would be something and allow him time to fully clear out the cobwebs. Thinking well right after he got up was not one of his skills. Hermione was the only one he knew that seemed to wakeup clear headed and ready to face the day. At least he wasn't as bad as Ron who needed an army to wake him and his brain was lucky to engage before lunch. If anyone was not a morning person it was his first friend.

Pulling on the clothes he was running in and an oversized button up of Dudley's to work as a light jacket he tried to think of what he needed. He just sort of stared at his dresser, nothing registering. Yeah, he was not awake yet but his eyes did spot something he was missing. He strapped on his wand holster and grabbed his hat, settling it on his head. Might as well get used to wearing them so it would become almost reflex to have them ready and worn. That was a very Moody sort of position but it made sense. Maybe the twins could make these with different styles of hats? He would ask them the next time he saw them since he was an investor and all.

Since he still woke early thanks to growing up with the Dursley's banging on his cupboard in plenty of time for him to make breakfast for Vernon before he had to head off to work he knew that perhaps only his Aunt was awake at this hour. A glance to the digital clock sitting lopsided on his dresser told him that there was enough time for him to go on his run, change, and then make it downstairs to help with the meal. His relatives really did try to exploit him as much as possible when he was here over the summer. Generally he let them get away with it but this summer he had too much going on to care or even put up with too much. Basically he did a little more than the minimum needed to keep them off his back. It was honestly about the only interaction that he could handle with them. Maybe the talking to they had been given when he returned to King's Cross had had some effect. Maybe.

He exited the house and stretched, doing what he could to warm up his muscles. That reminded him that he wanted to get a book on exercise as he could use some actual knowledge about this rather than what little he had been able to surmise. With a sigh, thinking about the fact that he had never used the library this much, he took off down the road, eyes tracking everywhere trying to keep up constant vigilance. It wouldn't do to have his freedom if he did something stupid like allowing a Death Eater to sneak up and kill him. Wouldn't Dumbledore be right there to point out that he had told Harry so? The odds weren't very likely that a Death Eater attack in Little Whinging would happen but then again the odds were against Dementors coming there as well and look how that turned out.

He increased his pace a little and he huffed on down the street, running in the near quiet of the subdivision where Privet Dr. was located. He pulled up the baggy shorts he had inherited and that seriously interfered with the swing of his arms. He thought he had tied his belt tight enough. Yeah, he needed to get better clothes for this if he was going to continue. These shoes didn't really protect his feet all that much as he pounded down the pavement. There were so many things to do and he was stuck here trying to make his stupid clothes work. The problem as he figured was scheduling. He honestly didn't want to abuse Dobby by using him as a messenger or anything and since there seemed to be a bit of an issue with his owl post he didn't want to put Hedwig at risk. He had to do something but he was still at a bit of a loss.

He reached the turn around point and increased his pace again, trying as fast as he could to Privet Drive. He was panting a great deal and his body felt damp, rivulets of sweat moved down him, soaking his shirt. Suddenly he stumbled as one of his shoes simply gave up, the tape giving way, and the shoe tearing in half. As he stood there, holding the two pieces in his hands he came to the conclusion that it was unsalvageable. Grumbling in annoyance, Harry made his way back to the house frowning severely. This was ridiculous.

Once he was showered, he changed clothes and tried to fix his shoe. It wasn't working well as the tape could only do so much. He totally needed to go shopping sooner rather than later. Problem was, he had no idea where to go or what to get. He needed assistance. "Dobby?"

The elf popped in, wringing his hands in anticipation, looking up at him with wide eyes, "Yes Harry Potter sir?"

"I know this is a bit of an imposition but can you take some letters to Luna and Hermione for me?" The more assistance he got from Dobby the more he felt like the wrath of Hermione would descend on him. S.P.E.W. was no joke to her and this was nearly enough reason to receive a stern talking to.

"Dobby would be happy to do this for the great Harry Potter."

Harry sighed and nodded, well aware that this might be the best he could get. If he always asked politely for help, despite knowing that Dobby would never refuse him, then maybe he wouldn't get in as much trouble for House Elf welfare. He scribbled a quick note to Hermione about his desperate need for shopping and begging for her help. He wrote a longer response to Luna's letter and asked if she would like to go shopping with him as well. It was at least a stronger overture towards friendship. He really had no clue what to do when clothes shopping but was fairly certain it wasn't completely like a visit to Madam Malkins. Getting as much assistance as possible would be a good plan. Besides, there would be a few positives to having both girls helping him.

Using some spell-o-tape he had borrowed from Ron, Harry tried to tape up his shoe. It worked fairly well as a quick and dirty fix but Harry was certain he needed better shoes if he was going to continue running. He headed downstairs to help with the cooking, as he was somewhat okay with cooking the Dursleys breakfast, since it was a skill that he was happy with knowing.

After the meal he started on his chores, knocking them out quickly as he was very familiar with how to do everything the way that Aunt Petunia wanted. Once that was completed he went upstairs to his room to get away from the Dursleys. There were books he needed to read and the quiet would help with that. Walking into his room he was a bit surprised to see Dobby waiting on him with two letters in his hands. The door was quickly closed behind him, hoping to ensure that his relatives didn't see the House Elf. "Thank you Dobby."

"You're welcome Harry Potter sir. I was happy to help." Dobby nodded his head, making his ears bounce some. It really took some effort to refrain from laughing.

Opening the letters was a great distraction and he saw that both girls were good with doing it. Luna even mentioned that she was going to contact Hermione. This was good as it would let her get directions to her house as well. Since tomorrow was Saturday then perhaps that would the best day to go shopping. No Dursleys and clothes that might actually fit him? This really could be fun.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: While I am aware that this is the requisite shopping scene I tried to do something different with it, to avoid too many of the tropes associated with it.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 7

"You will do no such thing!" Uncle Vernon blustered, his face going red as he set down his paper.

Harry, refusing to be cowed anymore, stood in front of his uncle, eyes tight, book bag thrown over his shoulder and ready to go. His voice was steady and quite pointed when he replied, "Yes, I am and honestly there isn't anything you can do about it. I am going to see my friend and I will be back later."

Vernon rose from his seat, standing before Harry with his hands clenched, glowering at Harry, and trying to use his size and presence to intimidate. "Boy, you will listen to me!"

Honestly, after fighting a troll, facing Dementors, a dragon, Grawp, Voldemort and worst of all, the Toad, his Uncle seemed like a small petty challenge. It surprised him when he realized that, that one of his major tormentors for years had been reduced to such a triviality in his life. It was almost dizzying. "I am going out to see my friends. I have already done the majority of chores I do on Saturday as well as a few others to get a jump on tomorrow's chores. So I am going to walk out of here and I will be back later."

Vernon seemed to struggle with this notion and this different Harry and harrumphed at him. It almost sounded like the bellow of a walrus. The man sat down heavily and returned to his paper, dismissing Harry as best he could.

Harry scoffed to himself. That's what he had expected though it was a bit of a surprise that it had actually worked. Who knew that his Uncle was so easily dealt with? Of course, it probably had a lot to do with the fact that 'freaks' had chastised the man prior to his heading home, so Vernon was doubtful thinking that he was being 'watched'. Whatever, if it made Harry's life any easier than he was all for it. While he had expected an angry, upset Vernon when they had gotten home from King's Cross, apparently he had underestimated Vernon's dislike of magic.

He left the building and walked towards the fairly abandoned street near the playground. Seriously, Uncle Vernon and the rest of that family were so annoying. He was aware that they were the ones that had abused him, the ones that caused him so many issues, so many sleepless nights wondering what he had done wrong, why they didn't love him. With a growl, he kicked a loose stone that flew off and clanged off a light pole. He had to get the hell out of there before his anger swelled out of control. Looking around he realized that no one was looking and that this would be a good spot to call the Knight Bus. He chuckled to himself humorlessly as he stuck his wand up. Clearly whoever was guarding him today was not doing a great job of it or he might have heard something.

The purple Knight Bus slammed to a stop in front of him and Stan Shunpike looked at him curiously said, "'ello, and where you going?"

Harry didn't want to go directly to Hermione's house, for security reasons, as who knows if he was recognized, despite having his shield cap pulled down covering his scar. There were too many possibilities of things going wrong but he wanted to get out of there. He gave the address of one of the bus stops where he transferred to go to Crawley. That way he would only have a short bus ride to Crawley and it would make following him more difficult. With a Bang! the Knight Bus started off, flinging him back into his seat. Rather quickly it came to a stop near the bus stop, as there was a bus already there. With a wave and a smile he hopped off the bus and headed towards the stop. He bought his ticket and got on, making sure to check to see if he was being followed.

After he reached his destination and the bus disappeared, Harry turned and headed towards Hermione's house. If it hadn't been for his desire to get here early then he would have happily just ridden the regular buses as they were a lot more comfortable and less likely to cause bodily trauma. He had walked a few minutes when there was a Bang from behind him. Hand ready to flick out his wand he turned to scan the area. He relaxed a hair when a very familiar blond stepped off the Knight Bus that was stopped at the bus stop he had just been at before it sped off again. She skipped up to him with a smile on her face as she put on those odd glasses she had gotten in the Quibbler. "Good Morning Harry Potter."

He smiled softly, pleased to see his favorite Ravenclaw. Her presence helped drain the last of his irritation at his relatives away. The fact that this sweet but admittedly odd girl was teased and bullied all the time just didn't make any sense to him. But since when did bullies need to make sense. "Good Morning Luna Lovegood."

Luna snickered. "Shall we go and start this shopping trip. I really hope that the fall at the end of it won't hurt too much."

With a quiet laugh, he gestured for her to accompany him. She nodded her head slightly in acceptance and they walked along side by side. "That sounds good. I'll have to watch out for that as the odds heavily favor me falling over. Perhaps you can pick up some things as well?"

"That might be lovely." Luna had a bit of her dreamy smile showing. "I must admit that muggle clothes can be very comfortable and useful and certainly different from the average wizarding wear. It does vex Madam Malkin so, but that could also be the amount of Wrackspurts she gains whenever a Death Eater's child comes in to her store."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was a new variation on some of the things Luna had said and experience had taught him that new can be bad or at least problematic. "Death Eaters carry Wrackspurts?"

"Oh yes. I noticed a very large infestation around Bellatraix Black and Lucius Malfoy when we were at the Ministry. That had been a bit of a surprise but then again perhaps I shouldn't be after all Draco Malfoy brings them into Hogwarts, as they seem to get trapped in his hair gel, and they spread from there. Marcus Flint used to be the main source of the Wrackspurt problem in Hogwarts but now Draco is the primary source. They really do seem to enjoy nesting in his hair. There are of course other carriers you know, but they aren't the largest sources of individual Wrackspurts in the school. Crabbe and Goyle are barely carriers and certainly not in the numbers needed to infect a school Hogwart's size but that could simply be that they don't really need all that many to confuse them and the poor creatures starve if their colony grows too large. At least, that's been my observation." Luna so reminded him of Hermione right then that it was almost creepy. They almost had the same lecture tone, only Luna's was a touch… was dreamy an accurate way of putting it? Harry wasn't sure.

"That's fascinating Luna." The way the blonde girl talked about these creatures made them sound real and something to be concerned over. It did not seem like mere mindless rambling but rather precise analysis. Hermione thought they were 'ridiculous fabrications' but Luna was always consistent with the information. At no time did anything she had to say about any of her creatures come across as inaccurate. That had to mean something.

"Indeed. Studying the various behaviors of Wrackspurts and Nargles is one of my favorite past times, as I don't have any friends." The way Luna said that almost broke his heart. It was so matter of fact that there seemed to be no way to counter her point.

This couldn't stand. Harry stopped her by taking hold of her arm and she turned to face him. He looked at her with all the sincerity he could muster and said, "Luna, I am your friend and I will always be there for you if you need me. Never doubt that."

Her smile started weak but grew in strength. The lithe girl grabbed Harry into a tight hug, nearly Hermione like in its intensity, and just held on to him. Feeling a bit awkward and unsure, Harry pet her back a few times. Really, what was it with girls and tears and why did it unnerve him so? "Uh… it's okay. Really. Come on, we need to get to Hermione's so we can go shopping. That should be fun… right?"

Luna let go and nodded, her eyes bright with unshed tears. She seemed a good deal more composed and they walked along. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Harry asked, "You do know that Hermione's your friend as well… yes?"

With a shrug, Luna replied, "Hermione has never said so and she does seem to take particular issue with my knowledge of magical creatures that she is not familiar with. I do enjoy those debates, as that is the mark of scholarly development but she seems to get more agitated as they go along. At least she doesn't do anything to me because of it."

Harry frowned. He had gathered that there were people who teased her but this was a whole other level of bullying. "Some people do things to you?"

The nod was very slight and Harry might have missed it if he hadn't been looking. His fists clenched unconsciously.

"Well Luna, just so you know, I will protect you. If you have problems like that again, let me know and I will deal with them. That's what friends do." His voice was a bit tight as he struggled to reign in his anger. Bullies had always irritated him, one of the reasons he had such enmity towards Draco and his cronies. They reminded him way too much of Dudley and friends, down to the main idiot and his cohorts following along behind.

"Thank you Harry Potter."

That ended all conversation, which Harry was actually glad for, until they walked up to the house. It gave Harry a chance to use the breathing technique he had learned to calm down. Luna seemed moderately interested in the architecture of the house to the amusement of Harry. Apparently it was so orderly that it would never do for a true wizarding home. Hermione flung open the door as Luna was also fascinated with the doorbell and kept ringing it to hear the tone, a faint smile on her lips. "Harry, Luna, you're here!"

Harry just grinned at his friend as Luna said, "Hello Hermione, I am looking forward to this experience."

"Well, let me get my mom and we can go. She agreed to drive us which will help save time."

"Do you know where we're going?" asked Harry.

"Yes. But you'll have to wait and find out where that is." Hermione gave a mischievous grin and stepped inside, gesturing for them to follow.

Harry rolled his eyes. He knew better than to try and get any information out of her at this point. When she acted like this there was no getting her to change her mind. Her mind was like a steel trap. No amount of cajoling, bartering, bribing or whatnot had ever gotten anything she hadn't been willing to give in the first place. In all honesty he was sure that her natural occlumency shields would be better than any he could develop for himself. He felt sorry for anyone who tried to break into her mind.

Following her in, he asked, "Do we need to drop by Diagon Alley to pick up some money before we go?"

Hermione turned to answer but before she could an older, slightly off version of her walked towards them. The relationship between them was clear. "You must be Harry and Luna. It is lovely to meet you both. Hermione has told me all about you."

Harry smiled, took the extended hand and shook it, saying, "Pleased to meet you Mrs. Granger."

Luna cocked her head and looked at the older woman and then over at Hermione and then back. She was quite thoughtful as she said, "It's nice to meet you. Did you know you have far fewer Wrackspurts than your daughter? That's actually rather fascinating. And I am surprised you have any actually, seeing as they tend to bother magicals far more than muggles. Fascinating."

Everyone stared at Luna in surprise. Hermione colored in obvious embarrassment. Hermione's mother chuckled at that and said, "I guess thank you is the best response to that. That is indeed an interesting question. You'll let me know if you discover an answer?" Luna nodded. "And as for the money question Harry, you needn't worry, I'm paying for you and Luna as well. From what I understand, you both helped to protect my baby from getting killed and this is the least I could do to repay you both."

Harry looked like he was about to protest but a quick glance at Hermione convinced him that it would be futile to argue. Really, know he knew where Hermione had gotten so much of who she was. He was almost terrified to meet her father if he was the other half of her personality. "Thank you Mrs. Granger."

"You're both quite welcome. Now let's get going. We have a lot to do today."

Before they moved that far there was a knock at the other end of the house. Hermione went over to answer it, ready to take action. Tonks was standing there looking excited. "Let's go shopping!"

Harry was a bit surprised to see her and even more surprised no that he thought of it, that the Headmaster wasn't there to dissuade him taking this risk. "So Professor Dumbledore isn't complaining too much."

"I wouldn't go that far but he did agree that you running around in the muggle world was a good deal safer than you out and about in the wizarding. He also agreed that an Auror familiar with the muggle world was the best protection that could be provided at this point, since you are 'being stubborn'. His words." She grinned happily as she said that.

Once introductions were made, they piled into the car, with Luna asking to sit in the front seat since she was curious as to how this car thing worked, and they headed off towards London. The radio was playing softly, allowing for easy conversation between everyone. Luna chimed in, looking up from the steering wheel and the pedals, saying, "Thank you so much for asking me to come shopping with you and have a sleepover. I have never gone shopping in the muggle world. I do so hope it is exciting."

Mrs. Granger chuckled, "Well it can get exciting every now and then but in my opinion shopping is generally shopping no matter what the world."

Hermione chuckled as well, giving Harry an amused look.

Harry was unsure what the look meant and furrowed his brows. This only made Hermione giggle which really did not help. What was going on? Tonks was snickering on the other side of Hermione and that made him actually frown. Why were they all so amused? What secret thing had he missed out on?

After a while winding their way closer to downtown London, Harry still far too clueless for his own comfort, they eventually found a parking spot and lead Harry and Luna into Harrods. Harry, noting how many people were moving through the building asked, "Shouldn't we be worried about being spotted?"

Hermione shook her head and pointed off. "Charring Cross Road is about 2 miles from here, where Diagon Alley is, so it is doubtful that one of the Deatheaters will be this deep into muggle territory. I bet it would make them uncomfortable."

"So we're going into Harrods?"

"Absolutely," replied Hermione's mother. "They have such wonderful things here and since you have never gone shopping for yourself you deserve the treat. Otherwise we would go someplace less up market."

Harry took in the huge size of the building, noting all the people moving about with green bags. "And you're sure they have what we need here?"

Hermione snickered, obviously amused at his lack of familiarity with the store. "Harry they have everything and I do mean everything. We'll be fine."

"Come on, we need to head down one floor to reach the men's department," stated Mrs. Granger, quite familiar with the buildings layout.

What followed seemed an eternity of trying on all sorts of clothes and shoes, embarrassing moments where the group discussed his underwear needs and then the insanity of the women shopping for themselves, with Luna rather confused over the measuring for bras and the like, dragging Hermione away from the books, Luna poking at all the electronics curiously, him starting over having his inseam measured, and more. It was dizzying for Harry, who had never experienced anything like this. Luna seemed to thrive on the newness of it all, needing to be physically picked up a few times to get her away from various things. There was a meal there at some point to the best he could recall. He had no memory of what it had actually been but he vaguely recalled that it was tasty. His feet and arms ached from carrying so many bags. Given how crowded the store was there was no real privacy in order to shrink the bags without alerting store security that something odd was going on.

Collapsing into the car, Harry stared ahead blankly, his mind practically shut off thanks to the entire event. The ladies were all talking happily and Luna was gushing over the clothes that she had gotten, commenting on how nice muggle bras were. How did they still have any energy? He felt like he was going to die or maybe just fall over and sleep for a day or two. It was unfair. He was the one who had been exercising. Tonks was amused at this which didn't help. "So Harry… you gonna make it?"

"Guh…"

There were some snickers from the other occupants of the car. Hermione looked over at him concerned, "Are you okay Harry?"

"I'm exhausted… I'm not even sure why I am so exhausted? It's not like we really did so much but I am done in. How are you all still going?" Harry blurted somewhat aghast.

Mrs. Granger decided to chime in, to give him some sort of guidance. "Practice. A lot of it is because women's shopping is… well rather difficult thanks to the huge variety of clothes, colors, cuts, sizes, we get used to this taking a while, since no single choice is easy to make. Men don't have the difficulties we have due to their more limited palate and standardized sizing and can get in and out if they aren't looking for too much."

"Charlotte, I wish you weren't driving… the look on Harry's face is priceless," said Tonks, holding back a laugh.

"Oh don't worry, the rearview mirror is letting me see quite well."

Harry rubbed his face and hid it in his hands. Since he was currently bracketed by Luna and Hermione, the two girls rubbed his back, one using her palm and the other her nails. His groans of frustrations turned into moans of pleasure as they continued. Maybe this shopping thing wasn't so bad if he could manage to get this every time. Having these two rubbing his back that way was worth most anything. He could get used to this.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: Thanks for all the new readers and reviews. I am glad you all seem to be enjoying this.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 8

Harry pushed the lawn mower, losing himself in the familiar activity that he had been doing since he was seven years old and able to actually push it, thinking about how his life had changed ever since this summer began. The loud rumble of the machine and the vibration under his hands was almost numbing but it did free up his thoughts to deal with far more important issues. There were a lot of things he had to think about not the least of which was that he had new clothes that actually fit him. He also had trainers that fit which was an odd sensation that he had never experienced. That fact alone was amazing. He had never known what well-fitting clothes felt like, ever. This was lovely.

On top of clothes that weren't a number of sizes too big, when Mrs. Granger had dropped Harry off at Privet Drive, she and the girls had helped him carry in the load which resulted in some… well looks and words. There had been a small… confrontation when Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia rose to gripe at Harry and ended up politely dressed down by a very irate dentist. The looks of confusion on their faces when it was explained that Hermione's mother and father had no magical powers whatsoever were lovely. Gaping in surprise and disbelief was a good look for them. From what he could gather, according to their worldview, freaks begat freaks except when the parents weren't freaks and had a higher social rank then they did. Watching them swallow back their comments was an amazing experience. How his Aunt could possibly think like that given that her parents had been normal was beyond him?

Dudley only seemed a little confused by Harry's new clothes, especially since he hadn't gotten anything new in days. His aunt explained things to her brutish son but Harry wasn't so sure how well he had gotten it. Dudley muttered, grumbled and stormed upstairs where he slammed the door behind him. Harry had been pleased.

Another thing Harry noticed was that the mowing was easier than he remembered it being. This was certainly a sign that his exercise regime was starting to be helpful. He did feel a bit stronger and more able to handle these aggravating chores without collapsing at the end of the day. It was certainly a nice development. If he was showing improvement with this then it was possible that he would be able to handle a fight better. Why hadn't he thought of this before? Training for what he had to face instead of sitting around of working hard to be a Seeker.

The lawn was done shortly and the garden had been suitably weeded before mowing so Harry smiled that he could have a nice cool shower to get clean and help with the heat of the day. It wasn't as hot as he usually remembered it being over the summer, especially with the greater number of cold and dreary days that happened. Harry had to wonder about that. It was effecting the flowers, making his aunt grumpy, not that there was anything he could do about it not matter what he had learned from Professor sprout. As well, he had to wonder how Mundungus was able to sleep and snore through the sound of the mower, occasionally creating a louder rumble. The man had to be drunk, again. He felt so safe and protected knowing that an alcoholic was guarding him against the threat of Voldemort.

Once he had showered and dressed in something not covered in sweat, he headed downstairs to get some water. Filling his glass from the faucet he drank it down happily, sighing between deep gulps. He refilled his glass, needing more when the doorbell rang. His Aunt Petunia and he exchanged a confused glance, both unsure of whom it might be. His aunt rose to her feet and Harry moved out of the line of fire from the front door, just in case it was an enemy. Peering around the corner while his aunt opened the door he was as ready as he could be.

"Yes, can I help you?"

Harry was able to see past her the person standing calmly at the door. He was of average height, wearing a suit with his hands clasped in front. He smiled politely, reached into his coat and pulled out what looked like a wallet. "Yes, good afternoon ma'am. My name is Albert Cook and I am a representative of the Her Majesty's Government. I am here to speak with a Harry James Potter. It is my understanding that he lives here. Here, my warrant card."

No matter how stunned and freaked Harry was it seemed that his aunt was even more freaked out by this man. She just stared at him blankly, making him shift uncomfortably, finally asking, "Ma'am? Mrs. Dursley? Are you okay?"

"Are… are you one of them?" Her voice was shaky, weak, her discomfort obvious. In all honesty Harry had no idea what could be going through her mind. He was a bit too busy trying to figure out what the Government would want with him. Surely Mundungus was supposed to prevent this sort of thing but the man was beyond useless.

Mr. Cook furrowed his brows in consternation, "I'm sure that I don't know what you mean Ma'am. If you mean am I an agent of Her Majesty, than yes I am. I am simply here to speak with Mr. Potter, if at all possible, and perhaps escort him somewhere. Is he here perchance?"

Before his aunt had a chance to deny his presence and shut the door, he came around the corner and spoke up. "Yes, you wanted to see me?"

"Ah… Mr. Potter. It is a pleasure to meet you. May we speak outside by my car?" Mr. Cook was dressed in a nice suit, looking far better than his uncle ever had, and even his light brown hair looked stylish. It was a touch disconcerting. This man carried himself casually and came across far more well to do than his Uncle ever managed.

"Sure." There was no reason to say otherwise so he walked out with the gentleman and they stopped at the man's car, parked slightly up the street from number 4.

Mr. Cook wasted no time getting to the point. "Mr. Potter, my superiors at the Security Service would like to speak with you, if that is convenient."

"Uhm… what? The Security Service wants to talk to me." The whole idea of it was insane. And that had little to do with the notion that it could destroy any illusion of secrecy for the wizarding world.

"Yes they do Mr. Potter. Is there going to be a problem?"

"No… no nothing I can think of. I have nothing pressing so I guess I can go with you."

Mr. Cook gestured to the car with a faint smile. Harry got in on the passenger side and buckled up. The car looked rather plain and ordinary for a spook from MI5 to be driving it but then again what did he know about those things. The drive was completed in silence, Harry being left to his own thoughts. He was worried. There was no question in his mind that this wasn't a Death Eater trap as the Pureblood idiots would never lower themselves like this. Harry was mostly unsure what the hell was happening and wishing he had Hermione with him for support and the possibility that she might just figure things out.

They didn't go far, just to the other edge of Little Whinging where there were a few warehouses. It was certainly remote and isolated enough for a secret meeting. They pulled up to one and Mr. Cook stopped the car by a plain white door. Harry looked at the door and then looked at his driver, asking what to do now with his expression. Mr. Cook obliged, "I was told to drive you here and wait so I can return you home. My superiors are inside and wish to meet with you."

Cautiously, with Moody's mantra running through his head, Harry exited the car, his eyes going everywhere, trying to see everything. There was still a lot of practice to go before he could take everything in with a glance. The door was unlocked and opened easily, not even creaking like he had feared. Walking into the large space he saw a couch, a few chairs, and a coffee table set up on a large Persian rug placed in the middle of the warehouse. Still scanning the space as best he could, Harry made his way to the chairs. This was it. This was where he would find out what the muggle government wanted with him. This was also like a few of the spy movies he had caught bits and pieces of and that really wasn't helping his nerves.

Three gentlemen waited there, one of whom looked a good bit older than the others. The older one rose from his chair and walked towards Harry, extending his hand, "Ah… Mr. Potter, a pleasure to finally meet you. My name is Stephan Lander and I am the Director-General of MI5. Allow me to introduce you to my Counterterrorism division chief, Martin Weston and one of our agents currently assigned to his section, Nigel Saunders. Do sit down."

"Uhm… hello?" Harry nervously took a seat and let his confusion speak for him.

The other men nodded in greeting. Weston looked at the nervous boy and politely inquired, "Would you like a cup of tea?"

This was at least familiar and he was sure it would help calm him down some. "Please."

As the division chief turned to the tea set on the coffee table, he asked, "Cream? Sugar?"

Harry was feeling like this was without a doubt one of the most surreal situations he had ever been in. "Uhm… yes please. Two lumps."

The cup was handed over and Harry drank some down. He wasn't worried about veritasserum as why would they have any, since this wasn't the wizarding world. Besides, these three seemed far more polite and believable than Umbridge had been when she had offered him tea. Her intentions had been painfully clear and she was supposed to be a politician. These three all gave off a very different sort of energy.

Sipping the warm dark tea, Harry waited for Mr. Lander to speak. "Mr. Potter, as my agency is tasked with the protection of the realm from all manner of domestic threats, it has come to my attention during my briefing when I took over the post a little over a month ago that this wizarding terrorist Voldemort and his Deatheaters are attacking all manner of Her Majesty's subjects and destroying millions of Pounds in property. While we do have some agents positioned to take action if an opportunity is presented, it has also been revealed that you might be the one to stop this terrorist due to a… prophesy. While I may have some questions as to the veracity of such a thing my advisors assure me that they can be quite real. Seeing as you might be the only means of protecting the citizens of Great Britain from this madman, my agency would like to aid you in your endeavors to stop this organization, if you are amenable."

Blinking a few times as that all registered, he wished even more that he had Hermione here to provide a full and concise translation of what had just been said. He got the wanting to help him bit but there were parts that didn't fully register thanks to his surprise. He really did lean heavily on Hermione for support. Maybe that was something he could try and fix. "Sure? I'm not sure exactly what you can do to help me but any sort of help would be nice."

The other two chuckled at his response while Mr. Lander merely smiled understandingly. Mr. Weston took over the conversation at that point, catching Harry's eyes with his intent gaze, "I can tell by your face that you are confused and quite sure that there can be little that we can do to help. Let me help fill you in on some things so you can be assured that this offer is not a helpless gesture. We, and by that I mean MI5 and 6 as well as the highest echelons of Her Majesty's Government do know about the wizarding world, both the good and the bad in far more detail than most in that society would believe. The backwards society of the wizarding has been of some concern to the government for a while and when our organization was formed in 1909 along with what became MI6, we were tasked with, among other things, keeping an eye on the wizarding world as best we were able."

Harry lowered his cup of tea to the saucer and stared. That seemed off somehow. "But how? The Statute of Secrecy should have prevented that from occurring?"

The grin he received in return to that was not kind. "That is indeed true but due to rather… supremacist notions within the wizarding world, a number of people have been all but driven out due to the distinction of not having magical parents or failing to have a more active magical power. It was indeed a good bit more difficult to find such individuals in the early days things became easier during the Cold War. Because of the threat faced by the Warsaw Pact nations a number of practices arose in house. I mean honestly, it is hard to ignore the data when some people disappear from national records at eleven only to reappear years later needing to catch up as it were and find inroads to get proper paperwork and the like. We made it as standard a procedure as possible to interview these people to determine if they were magicals or not. Let me tell you, upset and disgruntled people when given an opportunity to vent can say some amazing things. Some of those individuals even have gone so far as to join Her Majesty's service in various capacities. Thus we have a number of displeased witches and wizards willing to help out in protecting the realm from wizarding fanatics all because of the backwards policies and notions of British Magical Society."

Harry swallowed heavily. This was potentially bad. Even he remembered the discussions in Binns' class about the violence of non-magical on magical. It had been a very sobering class for him. Now he was faced with the fact that his mere presence at this meeting was a blatant violation of the Statute of Secrecy and could result in some very harsh punishments. This made the problems with the Ministry pale in comparison. "And… and how does this apply to me?"

Mr. Lander gave him a friendlier smile than he had gotten earlier, "Now we come to the specifics at hand. Mr. Saunders here is one of those agents in question. We are well aware of the fact that to interfere more directly with the Ministry or the magical world in general could cause the whole house of cards to collapse. What we had in mind is to provide you with a highly agent who can assist you as a protection detail and perhaps more. He can liaise with us to ensure that open lines of communication remain accessible and that any additional assistance we may provide will be available as needed. To provide you with more agents at the outset runs the risk of attracting too much scrutiny. Would this be something you would be interested in?"

Harry sat back and thought. For all he wanted to, he didn't want to jump into things too blindly. After all he had already gotten into a car with someone he didn't know and was faced with three obvious potential enemies with who knew how many more. He couldn't argue with the fact that he was far too Gryffindor for his own good most of the time. What would Hermione do at this point? Well, that was fairly easy to guess, get more information. That information itself might help him make the decision. "A few questions first. Mr. Saunders, since you have a good understanding of what I am facing, what do you bring to this that can help?"

The smile he got in response was far warmer than he had expected.

"Well, I graduated near the top of my class at Hogwarts where I was a Gryffindor. After I graduated from Hogwarts a year before you parents did, I went on to become a Hit Wizard and fought in the first war against Voldemort. Once that conflict was over, I tried to move up the ranks but Pure Bloods who weren't as skilled kept getting promoted ahead of me. Finally I had enough. I just left, not just the Hit Wizard corps but the wizarding world in general in protest. Deciding that I still desired to help people, I enlisted in the military. During my time in, I managed to make it into the Special Air Service, where I served with some distinction for several years before leaving to join MI5. Since then I have been kept busy fairly busy."

There were a number of key parts to that which grabbed his attention. This was another person who knew his parents? He had served in the SAS? There was at least one more question he wanted answered before he could decide. "Have you combined your military training with wizarding combat?"

Mr. Saunders blinked in surprise as he had clearly not expected the question. "Uhm… actually I have rarely used my wand since I left the wizarding world and never in direct combat so that honestly never occurred to me. That… is an interesting idea."

"I would be happy to accept your help Mr. Lander. Any idea how I am supposed to explain Mr. Saunders's presence?" Harry nodded. He couldn't think of anything else to ask right then and that actually covered his primary concerns. This might not be a bad idea.

"I am glad to hear that Harry. I am sure we can both help the other to remove the threat presented by these terrorists. As to Mr. Saunders, actually we had an idea. Our official contact with the DMLE will speak privately with Madame Bones, suggesting that Mr. Saunders here gets assigned to Mr. Potter as a protective detail. His training and record as a member of the Hit Wizards should hold him in good stead. That should cover the legalities and ensure his placement by your side," said Mr. Lander. "Despite our intense desire to deal with these Deatheaters, we have no intention of having our involvement broadcasted through the wizarding world."

Harry could see so many possibilities available with Mr. Saunders there to help. As someone who had actually served in the SAS, he could help Harry figure out how to use the training and knowledge as well as figure out a way to best mix combat approaches. "Great. I take it he will arrive once things have been set up with Madame Bones?"

They all nodded, letting Harry know how things would play out.

Harry stuck out his hand, a broad smile on his face. This was quite the best news he had gotten all summer long. He couldn't wait to tell Hermione and Luna the news. "I look forward to working with you sir."

"Same here Mr. Potter."


	9. Chapter 9

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: The stakes keep getting higher. Poor Harry.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 9

Harry was quietly sitting in his room and realized that he had finished all of his homework thus had nothing else to do. He couldn't really avoid it any longer and decided to go through some of the books he had gotten on his second trip to the library. He wasn't afraid… well, not exactly. The anger books were sure to be helpful as were the ones on grief since those were both rather pressing issues he was facing. It's just that there was that other book that he had grabbed on a whim looming larger than the others. He kept reaching for it and pulling his hand back slowly. This process kept up for a few minutes until Hedwig made an amused bark. Frowning and blushing, he turned towards his owl and said, "Look… I don't need any comments from you."

Hedwig turned her head, to regard Harry almost sideways. She did seem very amused with how he was acting.

Looking out the window and noting it was dusk, Harry came to a decision. He honestly did not need to be taking any grief from a bloody owl no matter how smart she was. "That's it, out you go. Go hunting, go visit Hermione, Luna, Ginny, someone. I don't need this."

Hedwig looked rather pleased with herself as she was let out of her cage and hopped to the window sill. Giving Harry one last amused bark, she took off into the night sky, vanishing into the dark.

Grumbling about annoying feathered pests, Harry lay back on the bed with the one book he was most afraid of opening. Part of him knew he needed to read this and another part was afraid that after he read it nothing would be the same. The only other time he had been this apprehensive about a book was the damn Tom Riddle diary. Deciding to finally dive in took all the Gryffindor courage he had, and that only took him to the Preface. As he read, turning the pages with trembling hands, he had a resonance with what the book was saying and that helped him move from Preface to First to Second to Third chapter, devouring what it was saying. He fit so much of what was being said and that hurt as well as making him angry. Something moved on his face and as he wiped it away he realized that he was crying. Merlin he so didn't need this.

And yet, there was no denying what the book pulled away, he was an abused kid from an abusive home. Everything the Dursleys had done to him was abuse in one form or another. From what the book had pointed out there was physical, emotional, and psychological abuse in what they had done, said, failed to do. He swallowed thickly, his chest tight. He wanted this to not be true, to be something else, a lie, anything. Part of him had known, had always known about this and had helped him build his denial but this… every word of the book was in his face and undeniable. There was no hiding from this, not anymore.

It then occurred to him that some of what Ron had done in the years he had known him could fall under some of those categories as well. His jealous rages, anger towards him for one thing or another, being bitter over the fact that Harry had money despite the terrible means how it had come about. Coupled with what he had read it did not paint a pretty picture. Harry put the book down and pushed it away, shaking. Ron was his friend; above all he was his friend despite being an utter prat a lot of the time. Sure he had done all of those things but he had also apologized for what he had done time and time again. Sure it may have taken a while but it had happened. And in all honesty, it wasn't like he had known the whole story of what Harry had endured. If he had he was sure Ron would have acted less the prat. Sure he understood that Hermione had sussed it out but she was good at that sort of thing. Ron… no Ron still seemed to think that Harry was blessed despite all of this crap. Even if he knew he would be of that opinion. Maybe he needed to sit down with Ron and lay all this out, all his abuse and the nonsense that Ron had dumped on him on top of that. If that conversation cost Harry Ron's friendship at least he would be taking care of himself for a change. The book had made it clear that some abused kids didn't and often sought out situations where they might die, just to get away from the suffering. That had really struck a chord within him and chilled him to the core.

Was he like that, unconsciously asking for death? His brows furrowed as he thought. That… might be true if he looked at things honestly. He winced at his own thought, wishing he could shy away from this train of reasoning. Did he really have so little to live for? Again his thought surprised him… maybe. He grimaced in pain. Merlin he was messed up. The realization that Voldemort was so much more powerful, skilled, lethal all sank in like lead in his stomach. The man also had a bloody army bend on destroying the wizarding world to Harry's what? A few friends who stood by him when it counted? The Order of the Phoenix? With a heavy sigh he dropped his head with the knowledge that he wasn't going to make it, was he? He simply didn't have the training to survive this and more to the point he had nothing to make him want to survive.

He flopped back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. As much as he loathed even thinking this, maybe Malfoy had a point, that he was a dead man walking. As the despair and resignation started to blanket him in what was a feeling he hadn't truly felt since he had received his Hogwarts letter, he shook his head sharply, trying to clear it of all this negativity. While he might not have lots of reasons to live he did have some. There were the Weasleys, they liked him and cared for him. In a lot of ways they were the family he had never had. There was Hogwarts which very much felt more like a home to him than Privet Drive ever had. There was Dumbledore's Army, those who actually seemed to believe in him despite the rest of the Wizarding world calling him a liar. There was Hagrid, his first wizarding friend who was so warm and kind. There was Remus, his closest link to his parents and now Sirius, a man who had taken the time to ensure Harry was as safe as could be managed third year. There was Luna… he stalled there, his mind tried to figure that one out. What was it about her? She was… interesting? kind? cute? He swallowed a little heavier there. Yeah, there was no denying that Luna was cute and he was kind of interested in her in that way, which was a new feeling. Or was it?

Hermione. There was Hermione, the one that had always been there for him. There had been that spat over his Firebolt but she had done that over concern for him not because she was being overly bossy. Well… not only because of that reason. No, for all her bookish, snappish, kind of control freak tendencies she was his closest friend because of that. But even he wasn't dense enough to pretend that what he was feeling for her was simply friendship. Unlike Ron, he had noticed she was a girl and had even done that third year, well before the Ball. It was difficult to ride tandem on a hippogriff without becoming aware of the differences pressed up against your back. However, he was too afraid of losing her to do anything. Then there was the vague notion he had that maybe she liked Ron. No, he would do anything, including not pursuing her, in order to stay with her. She was too important to him to risk losing her over something stupid.

This train of thought made him blink as something new registered with him, something a bit uncomfortable. He was _interested_ in two women at the same time, and not just as friends. While with Hermione it was the warm comfort of a longtime companion, Luna felt more like the excitement of a new discovery. His stomach churned, his palms sweat, and he was at a loss, his mind blank, stalled over the notion. Things had been crazy enough with his desire for Cho last year, so did he really need this?

…but wouldn't this give him something to live for, to be worth surviving for, this whole attempt at finding love? After all, hadn't Dumbledore said that love was his 'power he knew not'? He was still for a long time, his breathing slow and even as his mind ran through this new thought. He shifted awkwardly, realizing that yes it might just be enough to live for, to at least find an answer to that question. And it wasn't like he wasn't bereft of resources. Her Majesties Government had decided that he might need support in his fight against Voldemort and his Deatheaters. How large that support would be was still up in the air but there was that. It was a hell of a lot more than he had had before and that was heartening. He was learning new things, trying to fill in the vast gaps in his education that separated him from Voldemort. No, it wasn't all lost.

Not wanting to think about that stuff anymore, Harry turned to the books that Hermione had bought, thinking that he needed to stay away from thinking about his emotions for a bit. Maybe the auror manual would have some stuff in it that could help with this fight? He opened the book and started reading realizing that at this point even some of the non-combat stuff would help, even though he was mostly skimming those chapters. As he began reading about auror combat techniques it occurred to Harry that the Death Eaters were probably very familiar with auror techniques and had maybe even come up with some ways to counter them. After all, it wasn't like the tactics were unknown, especially if they came in a book. That and there could even be agents within the auror corps. Those notions made him frown.

That didn't mean that the auror material was bad stuff but rather that it would need to be more a reference than anything else. It could give him a firm starting place to build from as opposed an end in itself. That thought made him realize that while the auror stuff was heavily weighted towards non-lethal combat the Death Eaters were not limited to that in the slightest. They _liked_ killing, torture, and destruction. It… it was a lot like dealing with the IRA. Harry was rather a fan of the notion that Ireland should be one big happy country, given how things went over there, rather than split like it was. He remembered vaguely that there had been a hotel bombing that almost got the Prime Minister when he had been younger. In the attempt to kill one person they had disregarded the safety of hundreds. Because of things like this it wasn't the police that went after the IRA but rather the Military. Maybe if he didn't worry so much about simply catching the Death Eaters like aurors would than it would free up a wider spell selection, giving him more choices on the battlefield? It wasn't like Harry wanted to kill, but even he knew that in war people died and soldiers had to kill for survival. That was a fundamental basic.

This was about his survival, his friend's survival. Would it have saved Sirius's life if they hadn't used stupefy and other basic spells but rather hurt the Death Eaters so they couldn't come back after them? If the numbers had been thinned due to injury, would that have saved Sirius when the Order had arrived? The Death Eaters simply Ennervated the others whenever they had been stunned so clearly that approach was not useful unless you had numbers on your side and could take them all out at once, overwhelming them. Bone breakers and other non-lethal injury causing spells would require actual medical attention in order to bring them back into the fight. There was no need to outright kill but if you fought tigers with kid gloves there was no way you were going to win. Hadn't he heard something about in war it wasn't about dying for your country but making the other person die for theirs?

Dumbledore was going to _love_ that, with his constant talk of forgiveness and second, third, fifth, etc… chances. That basically kept anything from happening to stop the enemy but rather only inconvenienced them. No, if someone was going to come after him and those he cared about he would rather stop them completely than let them lament their evil ways to get out of punishment. The Death Eaters were betting that Voldemort would win this war and thus they would become the new ruling elite, coddling them because of this ideology seemed the height of folly. No… if they wanted that to happen then they were going to pay for it in as costly a manner as could be managed. Harry was practically growling at this point, wanting to take out his frustration physically on the likes of Malfoy, Belletrix, and others. Harry realized that hadn't taken things seriously before, almost believing that this was some sort of kid's book where he wouldn't have to get his hands dirty to survive and maybe even win. No, this was war, ugly and destructive. Voldemort was like Grindelwald… like Hitler and wanted nothing more than to put the muggleborn in camps and probably enact the same repulsive final solution. The Death Eaters wanted nothing less than free reign to go after muggles and do whatever they wanted to them. There was only one real outcome to that course of action and it was the utter extermination of the wizarding world.

With guns, canons, smart bombs, and the like there was no way that the wizarding world would survive. Since he knew about the fact that the non-magical government _knew_ a whole lot about the wizarding world and even had some disgruntled muggleborn working for them, it would be a slaughter, and not against the muggles. Harry remembered the winter before he had gotten his letter, the Gulf War. The whole thing had been practically televised from start to finish and what it did show was that the west had unspeakable powers of destruction at their disposal and that wasn't even moving towards nukes. They had missiles that could fire from hundreds of miles away that could target a tiny window. No… there was no contest in the end if it came to it. The muggles would wipe them from the earth.

With a snort, Harry shook his head, muttering, "Yeah… that's no pressure Harry. Kill Voldemort and stop the Deatheaters or else the entire wizarding world dies in fire. Easy. Fuck."

Putting his pillow over his face, he groaned loudly, muffling the noise since the last thing he wanted was to deal with a grumpy Vernon. Harry had to get better, had to find a way to win this war, or it was all over. That meant that the kid gloves absolutely had to be off and he had to get it through Dumbledore's head that the stakes were high enough to forget these extra chances he was so fond of. He groaned again. Yeah, sure… that was going to happen, why not do something easy while he was at it?

No, he absolutely needed Hermione. She was the most brilliant he knew and if anyone could figure this out it would be her. But then again, this was such an insane and over the top situation that maybe he needed Luna as well, to use her out of the box thinking. Watching her duel, she would use very unconventional tactics to win, making spells that didn't seem to make sense. Ron wouldn't be bad to have in his corner either… since there was no question that he had a rather tactical and strategic way of looking at things thanks to his chess knowledge, but it was rather conventional. That was the wizarding world in a nutshell, conventional and old fashioned to a fault. He glanced over at his pile of books, specifically the ones on the SAS. Well, if conventional got them into this mess than perhaps the unconventional would get them out.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: I enjoyed this one. It is certainly less thinky than previous chapters. Have fun.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 10

Fuming a little, Harry made his way to the Grangers grumbling about what a terrible day he had been having. First he woke up in a lousy mood and then had dealt with an irate Uncle Vernon who didn't want to let Harry leave, claiming his chores weren't done. That was nonsense as he had done everything that had been asked. His Uncle merely wanted to make him miserable. Then, when he had finally made it out of the house, some Order member tried to stop him, claiming that he needed to stay there for his own good. That hadn't gone well either. He had so wanted to pop that old coot right in the nose and it had taken effort not to. Now he was pissed and hoping that the walk would help him calm down since the bus ride certainly hadn't.

He had told Tonks and made his position clear, quiet slear. Surely the fact that he refused to be penned would have passed on? But then again, maybe whoever it was that stopped him hadn't been informed. In all honesty, that wouldn't be a complete surprise. If it had been told to Dumbledore then who knew if he would share important information vital to someone's life! Then again, he didn't know if something else had happened to warrant tighter security or what. If it had then they bloody well should have told him and not let him stumble around in the dark. He thought he had made his stance on being kept in the dark clear, but apparently not.

Up ahead he spotted the Grangers house. He tried to calm his breathing like the books said to do, to sort of ground himself in the here and now so that his emotions were not so all encompassing but it wasn't working as well as he wanted it to. It helped him reign them in some but didn't completely mute them, kind of a background irritation. Harry had to admit that this was a remarkably simple technique that he wished someone had taught him earlier. It would have helped him several times in dealing with people, most notably the ferret. Maybe the wizarding world didn't know about this sort of thing, after all, why deal with the source of mental and emotional issues when you could just cast a cheering charm on them or hand them some sort of potion that masks what's going on? Perhaps Luna would know if there was anything like true mental health care in the wizarding world. It might not be a bad thing to discover.

With another deep breath and a slow exhale, feeling his tension drain away some more, Harry knocked on the door.

Hermione opened it with a smile with Luna standing behind her wearing her Quibbler glasses. Both girls smiled even wider at seeing him and called out, "Harry!"

He sighed, feeling some of his anger bleed out even more at the sight of these two. This was exactly what he needed, friends who actually cared for him as him. "Hi Hermione and Luna."

With a growing frown Hermione reached out and pulled him inside. Harry yelped briefly in surprise. Once the door was closed she turned on his and asked, "What's wrong Harry?"

"Yes Harry… the number of wrackspurts you have is alarming." Luna said with some shock.

Both Hermione and Harry turned to look at her, both trying to figure out what that had to do with anything. The blonde merely shrugged and said, "It's true. You can look for yourself. Well, probably not you Harry unless you had a spell to pull your eyes from your head and look at yourself through the glasses but that sounds uncomfortable at best and a surefire way to make yourself dizzy at worst."

The blond took off her glasses and held them out. Nervously, Hermione took them with great hesitation, almost as one might take hold of a snake or something slimy that had the potential of biting. With a quick look at Harry for moral support, Hermione put them on and looked over at her best friend. She started in surprise, pulling the glasses down to look at him and then putting them back on, repeating this a few times. Turning to Luna, she seemed to stare at her briefly and then once again back to Harry, who shifted awkwardly under the intensity of her gaze, unsure what was up. "What?"

With a shaky voice, Hermione said, "I… I see these, sort of… specks I guess… moving around your head in no discernable pattern. When I look over at Luna there are a lot fewer, moving in an entirely different manner, which clearly shows that it's not just something about the glasses. I… think they might be real."

Luna smiled beatifically, "Those would be the wrackspurts Hermione. Everyone has them, well more like people able to think. Crabbe and Goyle have merely a handful each. Ron has a terrible infestation and he won't make use of my siphon to clear his head. Harry had gotten better, which was nice to see, but this is a larger amount of them than normal. Did something happen Harry?"

The other two turned to Luna, Hermione remembering to take off the glasses when she was looking at the girl, making it easier to focus intently. "You mean they're real?"

Luna's brows furrowed slightly, "Well, of course they're real Hermione. Why would I lie about something like that? A wrackspurt infestation can ruin an academic career if you aren't careful."

"I… but I… sorry Luna. I thought these were imaginary."

"I know that some of the creatures I talk about are mere myth but others are merely extremely tiny and easily overlooked creatures. It's one of the reasons I love magical zoology. Not a lot of people know more than the basic creatures that everyone can see. Hagrid might, but then again, he loves all sorts of creatures."

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you Luna. Please forgive me?" Hermione was really contrite and red faced, probably thanks to discovering that she didn't know something.

Harry groaned and shook his head. This day kept getting weirder. "Let's face it. All three of us get a bad rap because we're different and don't quite look at things in the same way as others. I guess that makes it easier for people to ignore us as freaks."

With a heavy sigh, Hermione nodded, "That's true. So I guess we should stick together from now on, the three weirdoes?"

Eyes filled with happiness, Luna just beamed at the other two as she nodded. Harry smiled at them both as he said, "So far the day has been surreal. Now that we know that wrackspurts are real and the three of us are all freaks. What should we do now that we know that?"

"First, you need to let us know what's wrong. You look a bit better now but you had your angry Harry face on."

"You can read what I'm feeling by the looks on my face?"

Rolling her eyes, decrying the question as obvious, Hermione asked again, "So what happened."

Well aware that there was no getting away from a determined Hermione, Harry proceeded to explain, "I woke up grumpy and then had to deal with Uncle Vernon who wanted to keep me from having fun. Then one of the order members tried to stop me without giving me a reason. I grabbed their wand and threw it off before walking away. I was only mostly calmed down when I got here. You two helped."

"Sorry Harry."

"Don't be Hermione. You both help by being who you are."

His best friend looked thoughtful at that while Luna looked pleased as punch. "Alright… but you are better now?"

"Much. I could do with a drink?"

Playing hostess, Hermione grabbed drinks for the three of them and they then walked into the living room. All eyes on her as she was the most skilled planner in the group, she just said, "Well, we can look over some of the books again, to see if any other ideas pop out. I've come up with a tentative training schedule for the DA. We need to look that over to see if we need to make any changes to it, given new spell options and such."

Now calmer than he was earlier, Harry said, "Can we sit down? I have something to tell you two and… well, sitting down might be helpful."

"Harry… oh Merlin… what did you get into now?" Hermione's very familiar glare pinned Harry to his spot.

"I did nothing this time, honest, though it did happen to me."

Luna took Hermione's hand and pulled her towards the couch. Hermione resisted some at the beginning and then gave in, following along behind the blonde, still focused on Harry. After they had all gotten seated, Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was harder than he had thought it would be. A bit sheepish, Harry explained the visit he had gotten from Her Majesty's Government.

Hermione flumped backwards, stunned. The enormity of what she had just heard clearly was too much for her to deal with. Harry had to admit that this look, which was familiar to him from classwork overwhelming him and Ron, was something to be savored. Luna looked thoughtful and asked, "So how can this help us?"

Harry looked a touch surprised at the way she phrased that, "Us?"

She gave him a rather pitying look, as if he had missed an important point. It was such an annoyed Hermione move that he had to glance over to double check. Was it rather a girl thing instead? "Harry Potter, I know that you like to throw yourself into dangerous situations all higgledy-piggledy without any worry but surely, if nothing else got through to you from earlier this June, it's that you have people who will go into fire and danger to help you. Hermione Granger has always gone with you when she could, do you really expect things to be any different for others who care for you as well?"

Looking guilty, Harry bowed his head, getting chastised by Luna hurt more than when Hermione did it. Of course the fact that Luna used smaller words and less volume may have been a factor as well. "I just want you all to be safe."

Hermione sat forward, having recollected her thoughts. "Harry, I know you want us all safe but I know for me that I want you to be safe as well. Ron would be torn up if you got hurt. Ginny as well. If we all feel this way then wouldn't it make more sense to go together to watch each other's backs?"

Thinking about it, Harry couldn't deny the logic even though so much in him wanted to push people away so only he would get harmed. But that was a kind of thinking the book had talked about, something driven into him from the Dursley's. And another part of that was his survivor's guilt trying to drive him to join Sirius. Those realizations still both shook Harry, but he had gotten used to weird thoughts this summer. With a reluctant nod, Harry said, "It makes sense and I am really honored that you two are willing to do that. I know that without you Hermione, I would have died long ago. Hell, you helped me even when you were petrified which has always impressed me. So, thank you."

Both girls beamed. "Now what are we going to do?"

Luna smiled and said, "Can the muggles really do this?"

Hermione shook her head sadly. "Yes they can. That and more actually. For all the destructive power that even Voldemort wields, it pales in comparison to what muggles can bring to bear. They have weapons powerful enough that they could wipe London off the face of the earth in one shot. They can shoot a target from over a mile away with a rifle and you would be dead before the sound reached you. They can launch missiles or drop bombs from so far away that the wizarding world would never even know they're coming until things explode. Regardless of what wizards and witches think there is no contest between the two."

"I meant helping Harry and us."

"Oh… well, if they have Squibs and Muggleborns amongst their numbers, like Harry has implied, then yes, yes they could. That would give them agents that could see past muggle wards and be unaffected by the common protective spells used to keep communities unseen. They could also help in the exact ways that Harry is looking for."

Harry nodded, this had definitely occurred to him. "The guy they want to have assigned to me as a bodyguard is a former Hitwizard, a former member of the SAS, and an operative for MI-5, so I am sure he has all sorts of skills that we could benefit from."

"Does this mean we should stop looking in the books?" Hermione seemed almost aghast to ask that.

Luna shook her head. Harry gathered that she had a clue where Hermione was going. "If this person is going to train us, wouldn't it be good to have an outline of what we want to learn. That way he won't have to come up with something from scratch. We could have a list of what we want to learn and they could see what we want."

Harry smiled in some surprise at that idea and nodded. "That makes sense. Besides, some of the things I am looking for don't have to do with fighting Voldemort."

"Really?" Hermione was a touch surprised at this new addition to the plan.

"Yes. I mean, in addition to learning how to survive and fight better I am trying to get past my grief, my past, and hoping to be able to find meaning for my life. I am tired of my life being lived instead of living it." He winced some in realization that this could be a factor of the thrice bedamned prophecy. Neither could live indeed. No, he had to find a way around that.

Hermione got up from the couch and hugged Harry. She held on longer than usual and Harry really liked that, sighing and relaxing fully into the hug. This was something he could get used to. He felt another pair of arms come around him, holding him in a similar manner. As he was about to look up questioningly, Luna's voice was soft when she said, "I felt left out so I just joined in."

The other two started chuckling. They let loose and moved back slightly, forming a really loose triangle. His face was a little warm because that hug was a bit different than other hugs he had gotten, and that didn't include Luna joining in for good measure. Hermione looked him in the eyes calmly and said, "Well, now that we know what to look for I can help you find that."

"Me too," chimed in Luna. "I am very good at finding lost things."

Harry felt a knot loosen inside, something that had been tight for so long that he had thought that was just how life went. Thinking vaguely of the possibilities, he gave the girls a hopeful smile. "Thank you, both of you."

Before anyone could say anything else, there was a frantic knock at the back door.

The three of them headed that way, wands in hand with a twist of their wrists. Clearly the girls had been practicing with their wand holsters. Luna and Harry positioned themselves off to the side in order to provide Hermione cover as she answered. A frantic Tonks was standing there, eyes darting about behind Hermione. "Hermione, is Harry here?"

Harry moved into line of sight, wand only slightly lowered. Tonks relaxed once she saw him, breathing a sigh of relief before she said, "Good, you're here. Remus and I were worried when we went by Privet Drive and you weren't there. Diggle wasn't any help as he was upset and flustered with you for some reason."

With a frown, Harry asked, "Why? Why were you worried where I was?"

Looking far more serious than the three had ever seen her, in a flat voice Tonks said, "Madame Bones was attacked at her house."

Hermione gasped, "Susan?"

"She's okay. So is Madame Bones but it was a close thing. She got hit a few times on her way out but I don't know if it was your warning or her own paranoia but when the attack started she bolted instead of staying. That saved her and Susan's life."

A few things were niggling at the back of his brain so Harry asked, "If there were anti-appiration and portkey wards up then how did she manage that?"

With a sigh, Tonks said, "Apparently one of the previous heads of the Bones family was a real badger. There was an escape tunnel in the house, coming out of the study, and once they got past the wards they escaped."

Harry and Hermione sighed in relief. Luna nodded. "A logical plan. I'm surprised that Voldemort didn't think of that."

That was a very valid point that did bear thinking on but it wasn't the most pertinent issue. "And this meant you needed to see me why?"

"Once they got word of the attack, the Order scrambled to check on everyone and especially you. They thought that if Voldemort made an attack like that then they might have gone after you as well in the confusion," explained Tonks.

Harry nodded. That made sense. Thinking back to his morning and his irritation, he asked, "When did this attack happen?"

"It happened early this morning, before people were really up and moving. About four or five this morning."

Groaning Harry said, "Well, that might explain why I have been so angry since this morning. Thankfully I didn't get to see that. I have enough issue with Voldemort oversharing as it is."

Hermione and Luna moved as one and hugged Harry again. Against his back Luna advised, "Careful Harry… don't let the warckspurts come back after we helped you lose them."

Tonks, who had been surprised by Harry's connection to Voldemort, could only stare at them when they started laughing. "Clearly I am missing something."

"You have no idea."


	11. Chapter 11

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: Sorry for the delay, it was unavoidable. Tomorrow I am having surgery so I wanted to get this out before hand, so you would all have something to enjoy while I am lying around knocked out due to pain meds. Enjoy the read.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap. 11

There were aspects of this summer that Harry was rather enjoying, such as talking to Hermione at least daily and going over to her house every couple of days. Being able to hang out with friends over the summer was something that was always denied him and to be able to do this gave him a feeling of happiness that he probably didn't deserve. He was a little discouraged about the fact that it was impractical to take a bus to Ottery St. Catchpole or to talk to Ron with the ease he could Hermione due to the muggle/magical communication barrier but he was certain that he would see them at some point that summer, given that's how things had gone since the end of his first year. What surprised him the most was that after the revelation about wrackspurts, Luna and Hermione became even closer friends with the blonde over at her house more often than not. Knowing a bit of both their histories, Harry could see that it was making both of them happier. There was no way he was going to get between them.

So far the three of them had worked out together, talked a great deal, and read from the growing library of books bought to replace the ones checked out from the Little Whinging Library. And the collection of books wasn't just military, there were also books on exercise, self-help, and any other bit they thought might actually help them. There had even been a pillaging of the Granger's home collection, which had been an amusing tiff to overhear. And of all things, Hermione actually went out and bought a new, top of the line, multi compartment trunk that had more storage space in it for the collection. She had even gone so far as to design a personal shield that was on it. There really was no question whose trunk it was when you saw the book with the words _Gnothi Seauton_ across the middle,a wand diagonally across it along with an otter on top swimming in a figure eight thanks to some animation spell. He really liked it.

Today however, instead of having fun with his friends Harry was at Privet Drive, working on one of his chores, the ever so exciting polishing of silver. It wasn't like his Aunt had a lot of silver, but she demanded that it be properly maintained and polished, which was not a task she wanted to sully herself with. Thanks to that Harry knew far more about cutlery than he had ever wanted to, not like it was really needed at school. That morning he had been presented with a list of twenty-seven items, all of which would take a while. There had been a threat of no food if they weren't completed by that evening. So, it was a bit worse of a day compared to the usual. Uncle Vernon was being loud and obnoxious, as per usual, with Big D only adding to the lowing that he phased out, a skill that he had developed early. He was working on the ladle when there was a knock at the door. This was a break in the way things usually went and he lifted his head questioningly.

"Diddykins, can you answer the door?" asked his Aunt from behind her magazine.

"Yes mum." Grumbling, Dudley walked to the door and opened it. "What?"

"Ah… hello young Mister Dursley, are your parents in?"

The voice was familiar, very familiar, making Harry put down his polishing rag. What would Professor Dumbledore be doing here?

"Dad! There's a freak here to see you!" yelled Dudley.

Vernon grew red faced before he bellowed out, "Shut the door Dudley, we don't want any freaks in our house. We're already beyond quota."

The door closed softly, which surprised Harry. He had to admit that he was less surprised to see Dudley backing into the room, hands firmly clutching his rump, eyes wide, preceding Professor Dumbledore like a parade balloon. Vernon struggled out of his chair, hands fisted tight, clearly irritated past normal. "Now see here!"

Talking as if he weren't aware of what the Mr. Dursley was saying, Professor Dumbledore smiled his all-knowing grandfather smile and said, "Thank you for having me. Your hospitality is always wonderful. It is a long time since my last visit… I must say Petunia, your agapanthus are flourishing."

This was new information that confused Harry a little; Professor Dumbledore had been here before? Why hadn't he said anything? Why had he let this treatment of him go on? His Aunt spoke up in a shaky voice as she stood, trembling slightly, "Please leave, we don't want or need you here. We are doing just fine without you."

With a dismissive wave, Dumbledore said, "I am merely here to inform you that I am collecting Mr. Potter here and to request that you take him in one last time next summer."

"No! No! If there is a choice then we want nothing to do with him. We will have none of your mumbo-jumbo shenanigans in my house!" Vernon's words hurt a little though it wasn't exactly unexpected. In so many ways this was not a home but a prison. This last just confirmed that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Dumbledore turned a disapproving look towards Petunia. This was something Harry had seen before. It must be a stock look. "Remember my last."

Paling some, Petunia winced, wringing her handkerchief as she swallowed heavily and said, "He can stay, but no longer than his birthday."

The look switched to pure sunshine, "Thank you Mrs. Dursley. I shall endeavor to have young Harry here out of your house no later than his birthday."

Harry looked back and forth, trying to make sense of what had just happened. There was so much coded language that there was no doubt that there was something else being said. Remember his last? Was Dumbledore the source of that odd message before? It made sense but it just showed how much Dumbledore was controlling his life. While the notion of leaving here appealed to him, the idea of having to face this… gaol again was less than appealing. Just as he was about to say something, Professor Dumbledore faced him with his knowing smile, saying, "Once you are packed Harry we can be off."

Putting down the polishing cloth until next year, Harry stood and headed upstairs. He was still irritated with Professor Dumbledore and this new information did nothing to help that. In some ways it made things worse. Once he reached his room it didn't take long to throw the few things that had been outside his trunk back in. He set Hedwig free, letting her know to look for him with the Weasleys first. Picking up his trunk, a task that had been made far easier due to his exercise, he headed downstairs, a sense of elation coming over him at the prospect of leaving. Once there, his Headmaster shrunk Hedwig's cage and trunk before handing them back over. "There you go… that should make things easier."

"Thank you sir."

"Did you want to say goodbye?" asked Dumbledore.

Schooling his features so that his surprise would not register, Harry turned to face his relatives, who had different stages of shock and outrage on their faces. This was going to be so very awkward. "Take care and I will see you next summer."

Harry walked out, not even bothering to look back. He pulled on his shield hat, knowing that it would help hide his distinctive hair. This whole thing was stupid and he sighed in frustration. It wasn't like he wanted to come back here ever again but like Dumbledore would give him that option. Have to keep his prophecy boy in his cage. Sirius could have given him an out, but since he had still been a wanted felon that hadn't been practical. What had him confused is how Dumbledore, the bloody head of the Wizangamot had done nothing to help Sirius out, at least as best as he could tell. No one had ever questioned him about the events, events that should have guaranteed his freedom. And now Harry was without him, having lost his last real connection to his parents. With his godfather gone and his godmother tortured into insanity there really were no connections left. Staying at the Weasley's would be nice but again like that would really come to pass. There is no way that he would ever be able to spend time apart from the Dursleys. There had to be a reason and he had no clue what it was. Professor Dumbledore walked out of the house with that pleased smile on his face.

"Ah Harry, before we go I have a quick question. Can the Order still use your Godfather's old house?"

Frowning, Harry realized that the wards of the house had to have transferred to him. That was good. The problem was that it allowed people like Snape free access to everything and giving him an opportunity to destroy more of his godfather's legacy. "Let me think about that first sir. I probably will be okay with that but I'm not sure. I'm still dealing with what happened."

"Very well Harry, now are you ready to go?" The Headmaster extended his arm. He seemed perfectly content with that answer.

With a nod, Harry reached out and rested his hand on Dumbledore's arm. There was that terrible squeezing sensation that came with apparation and suddenly they were on an empty street somewhere else. Feeling something odd under his hand, Harry took a closer look at Dumbledore's arm and noticed that the hand looked withered. There was no way that was normal. "What happened Professor?"

Trying to cover his hand subtly, Dumbledore said, "Nothing for you to worry about my boy. I was just a bit careless and its being treated. Now as to why we're here. I am trying to elicit the services of one Horace Slughorn. The man is a brilliant Potions instructor and I would like to hire him for the coming year. He will be resistant but he does have a peculiar weakness we can exploit."

Harry looked at him oddly, trying to figure out what in the name of all hells he had to do with hiring of a teacher. "Which is…?"

"Horace is a… collector one might say. Instead of trinkets or dare I say even socks, he likes to collect and cultivate friendships with people who have the greatest possibility to find themselves in positions of prominence later on in life. The man is the best judge of talent and future success I have ever met."

"Wait… you want me to talk to him because as the Boy Who Lived I would be one such friendship he would want?" Harry was not pleased by this development. It sounded far too Slytherin for his comfort. This was a level of manipulation that really made him uncomfortable.

"Exactly. I knew you would understand. Come, he is staying down this way."

The walked through the streets slowly, with the Headmaster scanning the buildings. Thankfully there was little traffic but even then there were few people who noticed them. Harry gathered that Professor Dumbledore had cast some sort of muggle repelling ward or something. Finally finding the house, Dumbledore tutted and then headed inside. When they walked in they both drew their wands as it looked like there had been a fight in there, with furniture overturned and everything. Harry scanned the room, wary of any sort of assault. Walking into the living room, Professor Dumbledore walked up to one of the few remaining upright pieces of furniture and said, "Ah Horace, wonderful camouflage. The rather plush cushions are an excellent touch."

The chair stood up and became this older, balding gentleman who seemed rather nervous. His voice was a bit shaky as he spoke, "Albus, what brings you here? I had been afraid that you were a Deatheater."

"You hadn't responded to my correspondence regarding teaching this year. I simply wanted to check in."

Slughorn looked at Dumbledore as if he had lost is mind. "You know I don't want to do it and you know the reasons why! I haven't had a decent night's rest all summer thanks to being followed."

"I thought that perhaps you might have changed your mind. That has been known to happen." The Headmaster shrugged noncommittally.

"I have no interest is setting myself against the Dark Lord. You know that."

Dumbledore gave him this pitying look, looking more like a disappointed grandfather than ever before. Harry thought he had to have been an excellent actor when he had been younger. "If that is your choice then I will have to accept it. If you will excuse me, I believe I will avail myself of the facilities before we leave. Horace."

Harry had been watching this like some sort of odd tennis match. That Dumbledore was trying to manipulate this Slughorn fellow seemed rather obvious. What was worse was that it was clear that the man knew that was what was happening. It galled Harry to know that he was a tool of that manipulation since Dumbledore apparently wanted him to convince this person to return to Hogwarts. Slughorn looked away from where he had been glaring at the departing Headmaster and turned to face Harry, apparently noticing him for the first time. Slughorn started, looked closer and said, "Dear me… has anyone told you that you look a bit like Lily Evans?"

Hearing a different way of saying that was unique, Harry looked rather intrigued, "You knew my mother?"

"Mother? Good Lord, you must be Harry. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. You look well my boy. I haven't seen you in years, ever since Filius and I were arguing over who got to help her obtain her Mastery. You couldn't have been more than eight months old at that time. My how time flies."

This was news to him. His mother had gotten the chance to obtain two masteries? Why hadn't anyone mentioned that? "Yes it does sir."

"You do have your father's hair which is more the pity." Slughorn pointed out.

Harry grinned. This was not something he had ever heard and he drank up all the new facts about his parents, especially his mother. People tended to focus on his father more and that left a glut of information that Harry desired. This Slughorn was proving to be rather interesting and he had to admit that if he were at the school they could talk more. "It is a bit untameable."

Slughorn looked towards where Dumbledore had vanished and then back at Harry with a rather keen and penetrating look. There was a great deal of intelligence in that look. With a sigh of resignation, the man asked, "I suppose Dumbledore asked you to tempt me into working at the school?"

With a shrug, Harry replied, "Honestly sir, I have no real idea what the Headmaster wanted me to do. He wasn't exactly clear with his directions. I kind of feel more like bait than anything else."

With a shake of his head, Slughorn said, "I… am a man of connections. This was something your parents knew well and back in the day I relished helping talented individuals finding the best paths for themselves. Being a sort of mentor you see which allowed me an in with these people. Albus knows of my weakness for helping others reach what goals they may desire because… well, frankly I don't do it out of any altruistic desire I can tell you that. People tend to look… kindly on such mentors and provide them with assistance when they can. I try not to exploit that aid but I do use it to make my life easier. To link myself with men and women of skill and talent is a selfish act even if they get a great deal out of it. Albus using you as bait is why I am telling you this. He is using you to tempt me back to Hogwarts due to my knowledge of your heritage and your potential. You would be a mighty prize indeed to someone like me. I have no issue with you knowing this, best to be up front and all that. Damn the man!"

This response was a bit unexpected and Harry felt a bit of a connection to the man, as he had bared a part of himself to Harry in a way few adults ever had. This was a disturbing act by the Headmaster, as it was clear they were both being manipulated by this one act. That awareness made him uncomfortable. "Is this your home sir?"

That Slughorn wasn't expecting this question after all that he had said was obvious. "What? No, I am staying here secretly, to throw off anyone who might be following me. The family is away on holiday and I figured that it was unlikely that I would be searched for in a muggle area."

"Wouldn't Hogwarts provide a bit more security?"

Nodding despite himself, Slughorn said, "That is true young Harry but then I'll have played into his hand you see. I loathe the notion of being beholden to anyone."

"However, if you make the choice to do this of your own free will, knowing the Headmaster is trying to get you to do this, won't you be taking charge of things instead of letting the Headmaster have all the control?" Hanging out with Hermione and Luna was really having a positive effect on him. They really had helped him get far more used to thinking on his feet in order to keep up with them. He needed to do more of that to get better in practice.

Looking thoughtful, the chubby man nodded his head slightly, "Very wise Harry… I do believe that sounds like a workable solution. Thank you."

"No problem sir."

Harry was listening to a story about his parents in potion class before they had started dating and how competitive they were with each other when Dumbledore walked in. "Do you mind if I take this magazine Horace? It has the most lovely knitting patterns."

Slughorn waved a hand magnanimously, "That's fine Albus. I am sure the family won't miss one magazine. I assume that the date for teachers to report to the school is the same?"

With a broad smile the Headmaster nodded. "Indeed it is. Well, come along Harry. We need to get you to the Weasleys."

Harry noted that Slughorn almost laughed when he rolled his eyes so only the other man could see them. Perhaps this would be a teacher he could work with. He already knew there was a bit of a Voldemort connection there, due to his history, so that couldn't be sprung on him when he least expected. This wouldn't suck. Surely the man was a more competent teacher than Snape.

Once outside, Harry took Dumbledore's arm and with a pop they left.


	12. Chapter 12

Harry Potter and Grief's Wisdom

Poetheather

A/N: To let you all know, surgery went well. I am very sore and tired and having trouble focusing on much. So it goes. Here's the new chapter and I am working on getting caught up to where I wanted to be. Enjoy.

This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book five of the series. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed and perhaps a little scared.

Chap 12

After a terrible squeezing, the two of them appeared at the Burrow and Harry smiled a little when he saw the familiar ramshackle building. Here he was at a house filled with people who didn't abuse him as a rule; they actually seemed to care about them. Perhaps he could actually manage to relax some while he was here. Sure his exercise regime would continue as best he could but there was no need for him to mow lawns or such nonsense. Chores to be sure but no days defined by the tasks given to him. That would be a lovely change. Besides there was a certain pleasure in de-gnoming a garden that weeding never managed.

It was a short walk to take them to the front of the house where Dumbledore knocked on the door. After a short wait Mr. Weasley opened the door slowly. His look of suspicion turned to one of pleasure rather quickly, "Harry! Professor Dumbledore. This is a surprise. Please come in, come in. We were just about to sit down for supper."

Dumbledore was at his affable grandfatherly best, "I'm afraid I can't stay Arthur. I am merely here to drop off Harry before I head back to the school, so many things to do before the start of term. You can watch him until then, yes?"

By that point Mrs. Weasley had reached the door, wiping her hands dry on her apron, a big smile on her face. "You know he is always welcome to stay here anytime Headmaster. We are happy to have him."

In short order his luggage was resized and sent upstairs with a wand flick and he was bustled into a seat by Mrs. Weasley. Ron chuckled at that, apparently enjoying the dazed look on his face as his mother rode herd on him. Ginny merely rolled her eyes in a manner Harry was familiar with, having done that earlier that evening when dealing with Dumbledore. What did catch him by surprise was that Bill was there as well as Fleur Delacour, the French Triwizard champion. He tried not to stare in disbelief and he may have done a more or less passable job. At least he didn't blush when the beautiful part Veela smiled at him.

Conversation was put on hold as people started their meal. The food was excellent, as always, and Harry did help himself to seconds. Maybe he would finally get the amount of food his body had been begging for as he exercised. His portions at the Dursleys were not the largest, even though he had been getting more food than usual for that house, something he had managed by the use of casual comments regarding being watched over by _them_.

Once done, Harry walked up to Fleur, who was busy helping Mrs. Weasley clean up from the meal. "Fleur! I have to say it is a surprise to see you here."

Ignoring the dismissive sniff from Molly, Fleur said, "Bonjour 'arry, 'ow 'ave you been?"

"Not too bad." He shrugged. "Things have been a bit shaky lately but I am trying to get better."

"Ah… oui, your Godfazher. I am sorry to 'ear about 'is loss." Fleur frowned in memory. "I 'ave 'eard many nice zhings about 'im."

Harry smiled faintly, his memory bringing back the last moments of Sirius's life. He had been getting a bit better with the loss but this reminder roiled his stomach and made his heart ache. He missed Sirius dearly. The man had been crazy, immature, had a tendency to forget that he wasn't his father and Harry had never doubted his love. Sirius had done his best by him, despite being reckless at the exact wrong time and passing away. The book he had found on dealing with grief was helping but there was only so much a book could do, not that he would ever tell Hermione that. That was a conversation he did not relish having. "Thank you."

"If you need anyzhing just ask. I am 'appy to 'elp."

Thanks to the hard work of Hermione and Luna, Harry felt okay when he hugged Fleur in thanks and then let go, blushing at the act. They had managed to get it into his head that such demonstrations were okay and even expected to a degree by those who cared about him. Fleur apparently found the whole thing cute or something as she smiled at him eliciting a blush. Molly jumped in at that point, though he wasn't sure why she would do such a thing, "Harry, can you check to see if Ron has gotten his homework done?"

Surprised by the question Harry turned to face his friend who had come down for a post dinner snack, asked, "Hermione isn't here?"

Ron shrugged and looked irritated, "No mate. I think she's gone mental because she wanted to go stay with Luna rather than stay here."

"That just shows that she has some degree of reason, staying away from you." tossed in Ginny with a scoff.

Before things could grow heated, Harry latched onto to the pertinent information and asked, "So, wait… she came by earlier today?"

Ron looked at him confused, as if he might have hit his head on something. "Didn't Dumbledore tell you? He said he was going to fetch you right after he dropped her off."

Harry walked upstairs with them as he groaned, "Great… another thing he doesn't tell me. You would think he would have figured out by this point that is not a good choice. At least this time the whole thing is fairly harmless."

Ron was clearly not following any of that. "What?"

Harry sighed. He had gotten so used to hanging out with Luna and Hermione over the summer where he could actually leave off bits of things and know that they would follow. With a wave he said, "Never mind Ron, not important right now. So Hermione left for Luna's a little while after she got here?"

"I took her over there," said Ginny. "She said something about wanting to catch up with her. Apparently they became better friends over the summer."

"Thanks Gin." He smiled thankfully at her. "I guess I will head over to see her tomorrow as I have somethings to talk to her about. I take it I'm in your room Ron."

"Of course mate, who else's room would you be in?" The redhead looked rather chuffed at that point.

Harry nodded as he headed the rest of the way upstairs. Things really were a set way here at the Burrow and he was rather surprised that he had never noticed that before. It was surprising how a lot of the same arguments and issues seemed to crop up here between the family members, time and again. He didn't know if it was simply a family thing or if it was more specifically a Weasley thing and that did make him a bit melancholy. It was great that he got to spend time with their family but he missed having his own. The loss of Sirius hit him rather hard again.

He was also a bit worried about the plan to have his MI5 bodyguard arrive and start helping train him. The plan had seemed so simple and easy to manage especially since Madame Bones was becoming Minister thanks to Fudge's stupidity and her survival; he had hoped that the whole thing wouldn't become such a confusing issue. The Director of MI5 had thought it wouldn't be such a production but apparently politics were never really that straightforward. Being able to get some of the training now, before heading off to school, would be a tremendous boon if it could be managed. Otherwise there was the risk that he would be observed by the very people he wanted to spring these tactics on.

There was another issue as well that was bugging him. Thanks to the rush Dumbledore had been in, he hadn't been given the opportunity to return some of the books he had checked out of the Library. Given that there would be problems with late returns, he wasn't sure how to manage it but he was hoping that Hermione might be able to figure out a way to get them back to Little Whinging. He would have done it himself but he was quite sure that he would be unable to leave, especially for a trip to another part of the country. Hedwig should be able to carry them since they weren't that heavy but there was no way he was going to send her with those books because he was causing enough trouble as is. How would the librarians explain books checked out by Harry Potter being delivered by owl? There was no way that would end well.

What sort of training would he be able to learn while he was here, some basics of combat, sneaking around, that hard to pin down notion of field craft? They were good questions and he really wished Mr. Saunders would get here to be able to answer them. Besides, he had to admit that the notion of a wizarding trained MI5 agent really did get to him. That just seemed so cool and beyond James Bond. And why hadn't the guy been using his wand since he had left? That question didn't make any sort of sense to him. Wouldn't magic give him a tremendous advantage in all those secret agenty things? He could understand not using it while he had been in the army as that could create potential issues but as an MI5 agent you would think that it would simply be an amazingly helpful tool. He knew that there seemed to be a way to track underage magic so was there perhaps a way to track magic use in general, so if magic showed up in odd areas there would be a response? If so then that might explain that oddness but since he was a graduate of Hogwarts that shouldn't be an issue, unless Saunders was around muggles most of the time and it would break the statute of secrecy. Merlin that one issue was too convoluted to get any real traction on.

He could understand being away from magic for a little while if you were pissed at the magical world but to practically give it up entirely… that was something he couldn't grasp. He honestly hated not being able to do spells over the summer holiday as they were so useful in so many way so to do without for a long while was more than he could imagine. But then again he hadn't had the experiences that Saunders had which could make all the difference. Until he knew the man better he would try not to judge too much. At least he knew this man wanted the same things he did, a dead Voldemort and Death Eaters. It was novel.

Usually new people in his life wanted their own agendas filled often at the expense of his wants and safety. MI5 had the same agenda he did for the most part, stop Voldemort and his lackeys. Thanks to that damn prophecy Dumbledore had shared with him, Harry was painfully aware that his life was basically put on hold until that had been accomplished. That sucked so bad that there really were no words for it. His life had been so shaped by the abuse of the Dursleys and Voldemort trying to kill him that he really had no life. He was merely existing and surviving. It seemed like everyone else around him was talking or thinking about dating, the future, having fun, living their lives. And in all honesty he seemed to talk or think about fighting a bloody war and facing off Voldemort. It wasn't fair. It wasn't bloody fair even remotely. Why couldn't he date, think about the future, have fun, anything?

Sure, even he had to admit that fun happened occasionally but for the most part, as he got older, it became more of a temporary or special occasion thing and less a way of being. And the notion of the future… any future… that was a cruel joke. When he had gotten his career counseling last year, he actually had no clue what he wanted to become. Thanks to the fact that Voldemort was always coming after him of course he wanted to be an Auror, since in all honesty that's what he was currently doing, but did he really want to do that? Honestly he had no idea. So much of his life seemed dictated for him that he really did want to give up and let snake face win. At least then he could be with his parents and Sirius again. He fell back against his cot and groaned, trying to hold back the tide of his emotions.

The door to the room opened and he spotted Ron walking into the room, drink in hand. Harry just looked at him, wondering what was going through his friends head. Surely nothing as glum as he was thinking about. "You okay Harry?"

With a slight nod he replied, "Just have a lot on my mind Ron. It's been a terrible summer."

Ron closed the door and sat on his bed, placing his glass on the end table. "Yeah… I can understand why."

Harry turned on his side and looked at him, somewhat surprised by the understanding. "You can?"

"Well yeah, I mean stuck with those stupid muggle relatives of yours the whole time, who wouldn't go barmy?"

Rolling his eyes Harry flumped back down. Ron's heart was in the right place but he just didn't get it. "That's not it Ron. Yes the Dursleys were the usual level of dreadful but what made this summer terrible is the fact that Sirius is dead and I almost got you all killed because I wouldn't listen. That was a good bit more problematic than stuff I am already painfully familiar with."

Ron shifted uncomfortably. This was certainly not an area he was comfortable with. "Well, we got hurt because we need to get better not because it was your fault."

With a frustrated sigh, Harry said, "Ron… you were all there in the first place because I insisted on going there despite Hermione saying it was a trap."

"There's your first mistake right there mate. I mean, I think Hermione has actually been wrong maybe three or four times the whole time we've known her if that many. Then there are the times that we thought she was wrong but it turned out later that she was right. It's bloody annoying."

"Thanks Ron. That really helps," replied Harry sarcastically.

"Well, it's true," defended Ron.

"I know it's true Ron." Harry sat up as he snapped that out. "I've been beating myself up over the fact that it was and is true and I ignored it. Hell I even knew it was a trap and I was so upset that I ignored what she said. I was so worried about Sirius that I didn't even care. So, yes… it is my fault."

Ron rolled his eyes and said sadly, "You're barmy."

Harry grumped about that. The fact that people kept absolving him of his guilt was not actually helping matters. Couldn't people see where he had gotten them hurt, had gotten Sirius killed? Was it so difficult to acknowledge his personal responsibility in those results? He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. He needed to calm down before his anger ran away with him again and he did to Ron's room what he had done to Dumbledore's office. "Sorry Ron. Like I said, it's been a bad summer."

Ron shifted uncomfortably, clearly at a loss what to do or say next. This really was outside his comfort zone. "What say we play some Quidditch tomorrow? That should perk you right up."

Harry doubted that would be the case but it didn't help to argue. Ron's heart was in the right place so arguing wouldn't help any. "Sure Ron… that will be great."


End file.
